eero

when i drink i feel an urge to become someone or something i'm not. for instance, the other night i drank rum, and suddenly i was a pirate. the kind of pirate that crawls out of his bed at 5 in the morning to vomit all over the toilet seat, then pisses on his own clean laundry.

ahoy.

man, if you woke up and you were a pirate, that'd be pretty rad. you'd get to swashbuckle and put limes in your brew to avoid scurvy.

one thing that i wouldn't want to wake up as would be a cat. cats are stupid. i wouldn't want to wake up gay either, not because gays are stupid, but because i don't like anal sex. it would suck to wake up an astronaut too. because, man, i left my good toothbrush at home.

on earth.

which is all the way the fuck down there now.

it'd be pretty cool to wake up with a cool new title though. like count kevin. or duke kevin. i bet being emperor of bonerland would get boring really quick though, because you'd want to go play with all the peasants, but you can't. you have to sign treaties with futzville and make a trade agreement with the firebushes.

i'm rad.