eero

cell phones are not cozy. if youre a fat ass who talks on their cell phone all day, you will never be cozy. the AT&T trimline 220 is americas most popular telephone. what does that mean? that means its a kick-ass phone. lets put it this way: its so tricked out that it has a special button that will call the last phone number that you dialed. does your gay cell phone have that? the wall mount is the finishing touch. i chose a black 220 for my room. mine is a black fighter jet on a midnight reconnaissance mission. it also orders me egg rolls. ching chong.

if you want to be 2,000% cozy, like i am, youll need to turn up the heat. i like to walk around my room naked, watch porno and smoke cigarillos. sometimes ill even treat myself to a full-body lubrication. a little vaseline goes a long way, so use it sparingly. a warning to the uninitiated: dont bake naked. one time i dropped a tray of brownies and almost burned off my giant penis. luckily, i moved in the nick of time. i was born with that kind of instinct.

15 sexy watts

i like to use my lesbianism to my advantage. mood lighting. i used to turn the lights down real low. but now i dont have to. its always dim with little 15-watt bulbs in the sockets. i feel romantic even when i am by myself, trimming my pubic hair. is that cozy? you bet your ass it is.