I am the guy who will take time
To write this ad into a rhyme,
A crazy perfectionist is known to dwell
If a job is worth doing, it’s worth doing well.
If you lack initiative and common sense,
If you are slow to catch on, let's skip the pretense,
No need to apply and waste precious time.
I need a quick woman, dexterous and fun,
Who won’t need to be told what needs to be done
I need a girl who is complex
Whose inner life is rich
Who doesn’t have a chip on her shoulder
Or feels that life is a bitch.
An uncompromising nature
Willing to make a compromise with me,
That’s how she should be.
If you think I’m asking for a lot,
It’s because you haven’t seen half of what I got.
(I got a lot.)
If you want to play, I can play the game
As long as the rules we have are the same.
I can fly high and dive in the deep,
I can be joyous, and I can weep.
I am low maintenance yet demanding as hell
I am a handful, can’t you tell?
If you haven’t been put off yet,
just hear me out, and you’ll get there, I bet.
Hyperactive and wacky,
I expect nothing less than a marathon runner
Who smokes a few joints before the race
To get in the mood, or to find her pace.
As far as smoking joints go,
And other hedonistic practices are concerned,
There’ll be no objection on my side,
And I expect by the same rule her to abide.
I can further guarantee freedom from routine
And promise, in her path, never to intervene
Except to offer support when she needs to grow
And help her find out what she needs to know.
Aside from that, I can make her fat,
My cooking’s lovely, all flavor and spice,
Whatever she wants, mousse, pot roast, pottage
Oh, and did I say I give a great massage?
Assuming she is a spiritual being,
Sensually open to massage effects
I’d be happy to initiate her
Into the holy practice of tantric sex
And much more.
I was born to be wild; I was born to be free
I need someone to catch up with me.
I need someone who wants to commit
Someone who knows how to share
So to be clear, I don’t want to misguide –
I want something serious, real serious, on the side.
A girl who will make us as strong as a tower
Who will have the strength and staying power,
A girl with the balls to speak her mind
I’m looking for one of a kind.
I get easily bored with others and never on my own
I like the people who don’t disturb me,
Who knows how to leave me alone
Who like just fine the „don’t disturb“ sign,
But when it comes to complying with my primal need
The authentic imperative,
They will not bleed.
Being independent in every way,
I don’t need taking care of,
But occasionally I need to be saved.
So I need a slightly different girl, this time.
An innately loyal soul would do just fine,
Someone my heart could trust,
As we all know, trust is a must.
An unordinary girl strong enough to endure
My tears when feelings become a blur,
An unordinary girl strong enough to be
Whatever she is, unyieldingly.
Truthful as hurtful and strong as a rock,
That’s how I want my unordinary girl around the clock.