Login
Forgot Password?

OR

Login with Google Login with Twitter Login with Facebook
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • SuicideGirls
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
Vital Stats

edwin

Buffalo, NY

Member Since 2004

Followers 32 Following 118

  • Everything
  • Photos
  • Video
  • Blogs
  • Groups
  • From Others

Monday Apr 04, 2005

Apr 4, 2005
0
  • Facebook
  • Tweet
  • Email
Life's little moments... they shape who you are. They shape what you become. They set you free or imprison you.

I returned home from work a few hours ago, still a little groggy and out if it as I often am on Mondays. The weekend was too short. I want freedom. I want to create. I want to feel alive, BUT I need money. I need to pay bills. I need SOME direction in case the direction I choose delivers me to too many roads.

Monday comes and I feel flat. I feel like a kid again being told to do something when all I want to do is question orders and authority and have fun. I want to do this, I want to do that, I don't NEED to do anything. That's the struggle. I don't want to let go, but something pushes me to try. I'll never grow up, they'll never take me. I'll keep fighting, I'll stay gold.

So I returned home a little tired. Mondays I'm always at my worst. Tuesday begins and I acquiesce back to adulthood and all it's responsibilities until the next weekend and I return to the cycle. Or maybe I never leave.

I get home, grab a diet soda, put on a little mood music... and pass out.

I'm not really one for naps, but I don't fight em if they come calling. I slept for 90 minutes. I slept and I dreamt. I dreamt I made a decision. I dreamt I made a choice. This one little choice made a huge difference in that dream. My life shifted into a whole new speed, jumped into a bright new direction. I had love again. If John Lennon were here he'd tell ya. He'd tell ya that's all you need.

I woke up refreshed. Not so much refreshed because of an hour and a half of spotty rest, but more because of the dream... so artificial, but so real at the same moment. I felt loved again all because of a simple little choice I made in my subconscious mind.

Makes you wonder what one can do with a conscious mind. Makes you wonder what one can do with a choice at the simplest moment. Makes you wonder whether I think far too much. Makes ME wonder if you made it to the end of this.

Much love if you did.

smile
VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
ladymaze:
It was, indeed, quite pleasant. I even got a few things done...online job apps...so I didn't feel TOO bad. Hah. It's supposed to rain tomorrow, so maybe I'll be able to get my indoor chores done...laundry, etc. biggrin

Wow, I'm glad you had such good dreams, and that they put you into a good mood! biggrin I know I did dream...I remember waking up a couple of times, and remembering my dreams. But when I woke up for good, you know, I lost it all. But at least I know I dreamed, and I never felt like they were bad ones. Maybe last night was your turn for remembering, and I'll remember tonight, or something. wink
Apr 5, 2005
baise:
Reading rules. I can't wait until I can read for pleasure again...the library's gonna hate me, haha!
Apr 5, 2005

More Blogs

  • 01.10.07
    0

    Thursday Jan 11, 2007

    opinions (1-09-07) Current mood: opinionated -I think we sh…
  • 12.28.06
    0

    Thursday Dec 28, 2006

    Dreaming is free (12-28-06) "A dreamer is one who can only find h…
  • 12.17.06
    1

    Sunday Dec 17, 2006

    Thoughts on Christmas (12-15) Sometimes I like to give myself lit…
  • 11.25.06
    4

    Saturday Nov 25, 2006

    "A Lot Like Love" (11-26) Current mood: hopeful Upon cleanin…
  • 11.13.06
    0

    Monday Nov 13, 2006

    Skepticism and Introspection (11-12) Current mood: skeptical …
  • 10.26.06
    0

    Thursday Oct 26, 2006

    3 dollars and a dream (10-26) Current mood: optimistic On th…
  • 10.22.06
    0

    Sunday Oct 22, 2006

    the night the lights went out (10-22) Current mood: relieved NOTE…
  • 10.14.06
    1

    Saturday Oct 14, 2006

    Octimber (10-14) Current mood: cold Hi, I can't come to the cp…
  • 10.12.06
    2

    Thursday Oct 12, 2006

    boobies, radio and snow Current mood: curious I've been quiet la…
  • 10.03.06
    2

    Tuesday Oct 03, 2006

    busy bee impatiently (10-3) Current mood: anxious It's been …

We at SuicideGirls have been celebrating alternative pin-up girls for:

23
years
10
months
20
days
  • 5,509,826 fans
  • 41,393 fans
  • 10,327,617 followers
  • 4,599 SuicideGirls
  • 1,114,613 followers
  • 14,946,853 photos
  • 321,315 followers
  • 61,458,366 comments
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
  • Help
  • About
  • Press
  • LIVE

Legal/Tos | DMCA | Privacy Policy | 18 U.S.C. 2257 Record-Keeping Requirements Compliance Statement | Contact Us | Vendo Payment Support
©SuicideGirls 2001-2025

Press enter to search
Fast Hi-res

Click here to join & see it all...

Crop your photo