So this past weekend has gone and here I am typing to everyone now, so I guess things are fine. My ex stayed with me for 2 days and left yesterday. I hadn't seen her since I went to Chicago and visited her 9 months ago. She doesn't look that different, but then again she does. In the past when I gazed upon her my mind would flip like an old atari video game after you acheived more digits than the game could handle and you were reset to zero.
She was just my friend again, no more, no less. I didn't feel much of anything when we hung out. I didn't feel the pain I thought I would. I was nearly numb, almost indifferent to her charms... not that she was trying to do anything malicious anyway.
We had fun and the time flew by so fast. We didn't have time to throw the football around. We didn't even have time for a scrabble match... I would've crushed her anyway
The only times I felt anything were when she'd bring up the current boyfriend in great detail, and then i'd think, oh here we go again. When she left yesterday I was almost glad to be rid of her. Is that bad? Maybe rid isn't an accurate word. Perhaps I felt relieved she was leaving, maybe before she could open up any old wounds or strike into any lingering hurt that was surprisingly holding steady in the depths of my being.
I loved that girl so much once. I still care for her deeply, but now I'm sure the love is gone. Could it be revived? I don't know, I think I've proven over the last few years of my life that I have no clue about understanding relationships, but I've felt this sense of peace since she left. We'll talk a few times a month, and we'll try to stay in touch, but the tense clenching of my heart seems to be loosening. I feel like I'm having a liberating moment. I think I'm gonna use my lunch break to go outside and stare into the sky while spinning slowly with arms outstretched and sweet European pop complete with a horn section and a sugary female vocalist plays in my head.
I feel... good.
Hope everyone else does too.
She was just my friend again, no more, no less. I didn't feel much of anything when we hung out. I didn't feel the pain I thought I would. I was nearly numb, almost indifferent to her charms... not that she was trying to do anything malicious anyway.
We had fun and the time flew by so fast. We didn't have time to throw the football around. We didn't even have time for a scrabble match... I would've crushed her anyway
The only times I felt anything were when she'd bring up the current boyfriend in great detail, and then i'd think, oh here we go again. When she left yesterday I was almost glad to be rid of her. Is that bad? Maybe rid isn't an accurate word. Perhaps I felt relieved she was leaving, maybe before she could open up any old wounds or strike into any lingering hurt that was surprisingly holding steady in the depths of my being.
I loved that girl so much once. I still care for her deeply, but now I'm sure the love is gone. Could it be revived? I don't know, I think I've proven over the last few years of my life that I have no clue about understanding relationships, but I've felt this sense of peace since she left. We'll talk a few times a month, and we'll try to stay in touch, but the tense clenching of my heart seems to be loosening. I feel like I'm having a liberating moment. I think I'm gonna use my lunch break to go outside and stare into the sky while spinning slowly with arms outstretched and sweet European pop complete with a horn section and a sugary female vocalist plays in my head.
I feel... good.
Hope everyone else does too.
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And that's true. Maybe now I HAVE a life, and before I only thought I did.
Whatever it is, it's good.
Everyone seems to think I should try for SG. I'm just not sure if it is right for me right now. But I'm considering it, all the same. Who knows what I'll decide? Hah. But when I do decide, I'm going to make sure my decision is what I want, not what everyone/anyone else wants...