I really don't like being alone.
I know that most people don't either.
Then why do we spend most of our pathetic existance alone?
Is it fear we will get to close? Fear of rejection? Fear of the unexpected? Fear of the world at large?
So I'm sitting here, and I'm sulking. Yes I am god dammit, and if you don't like it then don't fucking read any further. Go ahead, turn around, run... or the sulk will get you. I shall be the incredible sulk, the moaning myrtle of SG... fear me!
I am so very sick. I keep pretending I am not. That it doesn't hurt like shit when I swallow, that talking isn't taking every ounce of strength I have. I pretend it because If I'm well, I can go out with people. Talk to them, sit and write to them, whatever. It's all lies though, I hurt, more than I have hurt in a long time, and every breath is coming harder. Each time I breathe in I can feel my throat contract around it, like a big deathly hug. Honestly it feels like someone is trying to choke me out. I don't want to be this sick. I want to be well, and I am so mad at victor for giving me this stupid fucking bug. I'm angry. Bad enough he leaves me, bad enough I have to clean all this shit, bad enough I am stressed, but come on... give me your damn sickness.. thanks butt-face.
Josh is too tired to come see me, The lovely Lobster lives far away, my family is asleep (which is where I should be), Kerrie is carless, The coffee gals are well.. I wouldn't want to get them sick (or show them my apitment), so it's just me again. Me sitting here, wondering how long till my throat closes again. Me sitting here, crying because I know if I go to sleep, I will wake up and be all alone again. There is no one to take care of me but me, and dammit, I hate that bitch. I didn't ask for this to happen, I know it's my fault and all, but still, I never wanted to be completley alone.
Don't give me that "you have a cat rhetoric" I've fucking heard it. She is a cat, an intelligent one at that. She also thinks licking her own ass is fun, not exactley a rocket scientist. Not exactley the best in company. She is just a cat, even if she is all I have.
Well, into bed I guess, I will surround myself with stuffed animals from years gone by, and pretend they have souls. Maybe it's that I am pretending I have one too. maybe if I pretend hard enough, the wish fairy will come down and make me into a real girl.
Sorry if you are still reading, and if you are, Sorry I'm crappy.
I know that most people don't either.
Then why do we spend most of our pathetic existance alone?
Is it fear we will get to close? Fear of rejection? Fear of the unexpected? Fear of the world at large?
So I'm sitting here, and I'm sulking. Yes I am god dammit, and if you don't like it then don't fucking read any further. Go ahead, turn around, run... or the sulk will get you. I shall be the incredible sulk, the moaning myrtle of SG... fear me!
I am so very sick. I keep pretending I am not. That it doesn't hurt like shit when I swallow, that talking isn't taking every ounce of strength I have. I pretend it because If I'm well, I can go out with people. Talk to them, sit and write to them, whatever. It's all lies though, I hurt, more than I have hurt in a long time, and every breath is coming harder. Each time I breathe in I can feel my throat contract around it, like a big deathly hug. Honestly it feels like someone is trying to choke me out. I don't want to be this sick. I want to be well, and I am so mad at victor for giving me this stupid fucking bug. I'm angry. Bad enough he leaves me, bad enough I have to clean all this shit, bad enough I am stressed, but come on... give me your damn sickness.. thanks butt-face.
Josh is too tired to come see me, The lovely Lobster lives far away, my family is asleep (which is where I should be), Kerrie is carless, The coffee gals are well.. I wouldn't want to get them sick (or show them my apitment), so it's just me again. Me sitting here, wondering how long till my throat closes again. Me sitting here, crying because I know if I go to sleep, I will wake up and be all alone again. There is no one to take care of me but me, and dammit, I hate that bitch. I didn't ask for this to happen, I know it's my fault and all, but still, I never wanted to be completley alone.
Don't give me that "you have a cat rhetoric" I've fucking heard it. She is a cat, an intelligent one at that. She also thinks licking her own ass is fun, not exactley a rocket scientist. Not exactley the best in company. She is just a cat, even if she is all I have.
Well, into bed I guess, I will surround myself with stuffed animals from years gone by, and pretend they have souls. Maybe it's that I am pretending I have one too. maybe if I pretend hard enough, the wish fairy will come down and make me into a real girl.
Sorry if you are still reading, and if you are, Sorry I'm crappy.
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It'll get better. I promise.