edenkitty

I have had a shocking realization... I really don't share my world. Yeah I rant, Yeah I fuss, Yeah I tell you things about me, but obviously, I missed telling people some of the most important things.

SO here goes.

I'm Married. I have my huband Victor. He has issues. I love him still. We've been married since September 6th 2002. He is my everything, I don't know why. He and I truly have a good relationship, even if he is a bit brutish. He is the CIO for his company, Cheif Informtion Officer. Meaning, I don't have to work, and he works from home most the time. It's not that complex really. Till you add Josh.

Josh is Victor's best friend, and mine, and my lover/master/bed warmer. I know, I told you it was complicated. We inherited Josh. He was my friend's boyfriend, she had him suckered into the relationship. Which is a long story... here's the short version. Josh was married, she was a little messed up, she died, He was living in a house Christy (ex-friend) and her husband owned, they were hanging, they were all drunk, she preformed an oral act, got caught in said act by aforementioned husband, he was no longer her husband, sad sad Josh got stuck with the evil one.

onwards, then she decided to leave Josh for another man. No big deal emotionally, financially, a whole nother story. So Josh was hanging with us the whole time, I realized there was a lot more attraction than was really called for. I had a calm rational discussion with Victor, he understands that some things he is just not up for. I got my way, with rules. That was the November after Vic and I got married. Josh moved in with us in febuary 2003. He left for Pocatello for a while, but is back now.

We are actually a really well functioning family unit. I just have two people I love, but it's not really the same. Victor is the love of my life, and I try not to hurt him, but that tends to sheild him from my past. I don't like to talk about former meanie heads around him, because I know it upsets him.

Josh understands deamons. He lives with them every day, dead wife will do that to a guy. He is my confidant, the one who will hold me when I cry, or scream, or laugh uncontrollably. Victor, he tries, he really does, but he is so rational, he can't understand why I hurt so much sometimes. Victor is relatively medical problem free, no depression, no weirdness. Josh and I have both suffered from depression and anxiety, and we both fight migraines. so oddly enough, we balance well, and he can read me.

To preface this next part, Neither Josh nor Vic really had a lot of experience with women, Vic had 2 girlfriends one in high school, one after. And Josh only had Jesse (wife) and Christy. So really, I'm the one with the experience under my belt here. What is boils down to, is victor really doesn't get the romance part of love. Victor really understands being a provider and supportive. His family wasn't really affectionate until recently, I made it that way. So he never saw the love and affection of his parents, or if he did, it was a kiss or a slight grope. So he thinks that kiss and grope, is a way to get what you want, He's learning, and he is trying. I accept him how he is. Oddly enough, when he's being awkward it's really endearing.

Josh on the other hand, he understands romance, he understands the nurture side. He likes to do things for me, and though I really appreciate it. Sometimes it fucks with my head.

Whenever Victor is being a little derilct in his duties as a husband (not sexual) Josh tends to pick up the slack, then goes back into the shadows as soon as Victor decides I am worth his time again. So it's just a little weird. It's like a replacement husband... and that's not what I want.

I want my best friend, who I just happen to play with. I have one husband, I really don't need two.

Damn... ok... I'm done.

Only three questions today.

>Who was your first love?
>Cats or Dogs?
>Day or Night?

Ooh and I'm not telling! mwahahahaha!