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edenkitty

Portland, Or

Member Since 2004

Followers 20 Following 30

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Friday May 16, 2008

May 15, 2008
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Twice today I have watched Patrick Dempsy rip my heart out through my chest, and while still beating, show it to me and point out where it is broken and cancerous.

Got your attention? Well it got mine too.

I'm not ok just being the best friend. I want to be so much. I will be eventually... but not today. I want so much more. I see so much in him, and though I might just be blurring lines since he understands me in ways no one else does and is so important to me, but right now that doesn't matter. I feel rejected, and I know I'm not. I feel hurt, and I know I'm not. I just feel too much about it all. I feel like I'm being ripped to shreds, and I don't really like it. I know I'm not. I know that nothing has changed, I know I still care about him in the exact same way, I know that I will always want something more, and I know that can't happen. It's really supposed to be ok. Today, it's not. Today I've gotten my reality check... or maybe it just finally sunk in. He is an amazing person, and I am attracted to him.. but that doesn't mean that it "HAS" to be.

I think what it boils down to is that there is no fairy tale ending waiting for me. There is no knight in shining armor. There is no rescue. There is no coming to their senses at the last possible second. There is only this. This life. This day. This moment.

We girls are programmed to believe in the fairy tale ideals. No girl says they want to be a divorcee when they grow up, they want to be Cinderella, they want to be a princess. Our parents call us princess, they indulge our frilly dress complex on holidays, and fawn over our ribbons. They bought into it, and so will we.

Well guess what.. This princess is perfect in her imperfections!

I am an amazing artist, I can make almost anything I put my mind to. I am mechanically inclined and am comfortable with power tools and car repairs. I am much smarter than I give myself credit for and never try to be a simpering fool. I am an amazing woman. So when I find my prince, I will love him with his imperfections. I will realize that sometimes I have to pick him up from the puddle where his white stallion has thrown him. I will take the moment to realize that some things are supposed to be "wrong", that unless I take that step, he will not wait forever.

.... It's late, and I babble.

I guess I just put so many barriers up to finding people, and it's time to knock those sonsabitches down!
lilcupcake:
absolutely amazing! could not have said it better myself (((HUGS))) I can say I understand this more than 100%
May 16, 2008
burntsolace:
Well I will raise a goblet to everyone who has ridden in on anything other then a pale horse. To those who make their own way in the world regardless of what the rest of the world is doing.

World isn't always a kind and caring place, but for a gal who can work in art, and car repair in the same sentence, I just want to find a pedestal and stick you up upon and take pictures. I might not have known you long on here but you seem like one heck of a cool person. So if you need help stitching back up that gaping wound let me know. I am pretty good with a needle and thread.
May 16, 2008

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