edenkitty

I hate that god forsaken bunny.

I spend a lot of my time awake at night. I like the night, and I like being a night walker, so all you day walkers can go fuck yourselves... wait... that's not right, I like you day walkers, you just all make me so nervous. I like the night, and the inky cloak that it lets me wrap myself in. While you all enjoy the hoary colors of spring, my spring is quiet. A cherry tree in full bloom is not seen from miles away, but from only a few paces, it's muted colors springing forth on a quiet stroll. My world is full of scents you have never experienced, sounds of silence, and views you've yet to see.

I spend some of this time in dive bars and seedy twenty four hour joints (well one bar.. that isn't too much of a dive and one main twenty four hour joint... that is pretty seedy). I spend my time talking with my friend and confidant Vash (I would love to be with him, but I know this is not even in the realm of possibilities, let alone probability) I find myself at tables with people I barely know, but hear all their stories. I love this quixotic existence.

I like the way the night leaves me feeling... and that I own this night. I own the feeling of cool rain at dawn, I own the scent of midnight, I own the sheen from the pavement. I want to own the bunny. I want to have him dress in drag and we will sing opera together. I want to debate duck season and rabbit season. I want to have a more direct relationship with this bunny than just seeing his furry little ass run away in my headlights.

My head reels from a combination of cigarette smoke, pool chalk and night breeze. Under the roiling sky, that shows me it's starry depth, is my own spirit, sitting barren. I am lonely, and the bunny only drives it home. The bunny lives up the block a bit, and I hate the bunny, I hate sharing my night. I hate sharing it with a bunny that doesn't understand what it means. I know I am anthropomorphizing the bunny a little too much, he just happens to be awake, like the deer, coyote, possum, or raccoons I see in the wee hours.

I want to be in love... that kind where you both love each other. Not the one sided, stupid love. I want someone to love me the way I love them. I want to get lost in them while holding onto myself. I want to lose my mind with them and feel saner than I ever have. I had it only once, that the love was like this, not a calculated choice of whose faults I could live with for the longest. The kind where the faults fall away, the little things that wiggle in your brain... they were not wiggling, just gone.

I want the bunny... I want to feel that way, that leaping sensation, I want the bunny... to have someone to come home to, I want the bunny... to be me, just with someone else. I want the god forsaken bunny..... and I hope he wants me too.