edenkitty

I think I got played.... yep. I fell for the emotional connection bullshit and slept with a guy.. on the first date. Yeah, i think I might be an idiot. I like the guy well enough, but now that almost a week has passed, I don't know if I am feeling it in the same way. I mean, i was STUPID for him the day we met, just couldn't get enough.. now I'm ambivalent.

I am still interested in two of my really good guy friends so much more anyway. I mean, I know them, I love them already, and I'd love to love one of them differently. I just think that I am not what they are looking for, In one case I KNOW since we talk about the kind of girl he is looking for all the time. The other one, I really would like to have the courage to ask out, but I am such a chicken shit, and I know he has been going for dates, and things have been going well, and I don't want to stand in the way of his potential happiness.

I am just so tired of being so lonely. I know that the physical does not make it less lonely, but it takes that horrible need away. That need of not being touched. That ache for any physical contact, even if it's just knee to knee.

I am lonely. I just don't want to admit it. I want to find someone who loves me for who I am right now, not who I will be, or who I was. i just don't know if I am enough for anyone.

I take that back, there are those who love me like that, but they are not people I can love in return. The sweet agony of this world, that even though you can have that love, you can't reciprocate.

I am tired, and should sleep since dawn is here, and since I really want to just lay in my bed and cry for myself.... which is unproductive and stupid, but sounds like my best option.