I am officially no longer drinking. It has never done anything in my life besides fucking shit up.
Who the hell punches a girl in the face because their boyfriend wants to sleep with her? Me.
I still feel fairly justified, but really, honestly? What the fucking hell is wrong with me!?
I'm now the crazy ex...
Apparently no body ever liked me, just him, and he had to stand up for being with me all the fucking time. I broke the camel's back with a very big straw...
I need sleep, I didn't get any last night. Crying, feeling the need to, but not actually puking, and just everything racing through my mind.
He's probably right. I probably AM "bat-shit insane" I suppose my prior blogs of happiness and potential marriage are now more than fucking void.
I'm going to be okay. I'm going to be happy. I'm going to focus on me and be the best person that I can be and if he loves me, like I know he does, he'll realize that I am genuinely sorry and willing to do anything, even if everyone hates me.
And if he doesn't. Guess it wasn't meant to happen. Hard to imagine that though, hard for me to imagine that this isn't right. Because it feels so right.
I feel the need to puke again. I just want it all to come out of me.
Who the hell punches a girl in the face because their boyfriend wants to sleep with her? Me.
I still feel fairly justified, but really, honestly? What the fucking hell is wrong with me!?
I'm now the crazy ex...
Apparently no body ever liked me, just him, and he had to stand up for being with me all the fucking time. I broke the camel's back with a very big straw...
I need sleep, I didn't get any last night. Crying, feeling the need to, but not actually puking, and just everything racing through my mind.
He's probably right. I probably AM "bat-shit insane" I suppose my prior blogs of happiness and potential marriage are now more than fucking void.
I'm going to be okay. I'm going to be happy. I'm going to focus on me and be the best person that I can be and if he loves me, like I know he does, he'll realize that I am genuinely sorry and willing to do anything, even if everyone hates me.
And if he doesn't. Guess it wasn't meant to happen. Hard to imagine that though, hard for me to imagine that this isn't right. Because it feels so right.
I feel the need to puke again. I just want it all to come out of me.
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What I'm trying to say here is, I know you love him, but you'll find you're going to love lots of people, some will stay a long time, some you'll fight with every time you see them. But that doesn't require you to live that boring prescripted life that's been drilled into you from birth. Live a little, have some adventures, and then if you still find that this boy is the one you love try it then. But for God's sake live and don't be afraid to do really dumb things. And remember to write it all down so you can fictionalize it later.