Wednesday Feb 11, 2009

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Ok, I think this is the right place to talk about this one. I have a friend that is 21 and she is a "good" girl. She is self claiming to just not know a lot about life. She is of course bored with being normal and innocent and wants to rebel in some way. But she has the pressure from the parents and her bf not to change. So how do you as a woman do things for yourself that make you feel special, naughty, rebelish, without letting all the idiots in the world know?
negativecrow:
: isn't sure if he should chime in but what the hey :

neither of my ex wives were very good about doing it without letting the world know.
: clicks over to psychology/sociology/cultural studies degree mode :
It seems like when people in general wish to rebel, it is an act that in and of itself begs for attention. The things that people do in secret, tend to be things they are ashamed of and generally lead to bad things like eating disorders, drug use, promiscuity and the like...

I guess the real question is what kinds of "things" does she want to do, and is she willing to risk the relationships she has with her parents and her boyfriend in order to pursue these things.

For example (real world example, I promise), my best friend and his wife are essentially on the outs. I've known him for ...15 years? and I know he's pretty much geek nerd vanilla as they come. Not exactly an "experimental" type if you catch me. Well, she, being...about 7 years or so? younger than he is, feels that she hasn't "experienced enough" in life - she is thinking multiple partners, illicit substances, open relationships, and just out and out isn't sure if he's "the one." We'll leave the discussion of whether or not marriage is a sacred institution out of it and skip right to the relevancy to your question. I know for a fact that she's done some "things" and had conversations that definitely go beyond the boundaries of the relationship they have, and I'm pretty sure he isn't aware of exactly what she's done, but he either has to suspect or know in his heart what's going on. The people closest to you, if they truly honestly KNOW you, they will sense SOMETHING different in you. Switching point of view to your friend...
If she were to start experimenting however she is talking about doing, a few things will happen. If she isn't terrified of how she feels after acting out, she will likely get into a "more, please" mode and continue to push her own limits. This will DEFINITELY shift her behavior and attitude. You can TELL when someone has somehow challenged themselves and gone beyond personal boundaries. Behavior, speech, all of these things will start to show our "tell's - our verbal and body language ticks that might reveal we're either hiding something or dissatisfied with the world around us. Someone will notice. They may not say anything outright, but they will notice the change in her and the relationships and dynamics between her and her friends, family, and boyfriend will inherently change - as they will no longer be dealing with her as she was, but as she becomes and as she is.
Does that make sense?

and sorry, somehow I ended up on your page from your link in the Pagan Peeps thread.
Which was really my reason for stopping by. I would love to talk religion with you. I'm not a devout dyed in the wool ceremonies and candles wiccan and pagan, but I can probably give a rather unique perspective and interesting dialogue / discussion.
Feel free to reach out via message if you wish.
-NegCrow

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