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earnest_suicide

Newcastle, England

Hopeful Since 2005

Followers 275 Following 204

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Saturday Dec 16, 2006

Dec 15, 2006
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I'm heading to LA. It's decided. I just need to save up. No waiting or Barry-kins either. If he follows at any time, then fine, but I'm going on my own steam. Grrrr

It's odd, I was talking to my friend about this decision. We'd been maybe thinking of going somewhere together after he graduates, but I think LA is the right decision for me.

I told him that he could always come with me, if he wanted, and he wasn't keen. He's a photographer, and I think he has to follow his own path.

I think I'm a tough cookie, and I've always been very independent; but for the first time I'm learning to really value my human relationships like my friends. Before I fell in love, I could only think about my career. Love was such a shock to my system; it didn't work out so it didn't change my lifestyle at all; it just changed my heart.

I suddenley realised that even if I had all the success in the world; if I didn't have people to share my life with; then it wouldn't be worth much. I think my problem is that I'm lonely for the first time in a long time. I know I have to follow my own path and I'm focussed on doing so; but I'm lonely that my life choices never seem to allow for people I love to be with me.

Without sounding melodramatic (thought it's difficult to do; so ignore the melodrama overtones here!) I think many parts of my life have been very lonley, no matter how many friend's I've had around me. I secretly wish I had people who were willing to follow me on my journeyings, however selfish that sounds. Perhaps the problem is that I haven't considered following them? I considered many options for this year that were based on the friends that I wanted to be with; and I know that I couldn't have gone through with those decisions, for the sake of being with others.

I think, once again, I need to go it alone. (Thank god for the internet!)

I know this has been a long, rambling post!

Kisses, Klara x

_pie_:
Independence is key. Figure out things for yourself, and who you are.
Dec 15, 2006

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