e_loveless

this morning, i woke up in the arms of a man i didn't recognize.
i frantically searched for the lost bits of my soul that we're carelessly
flung between the sheets.
i tiptoed out of his grasp and made the long walk-of-shame home, wrapped
in a cotton bedsheet, the long forgotten bits of self-respect trailing behind
me as i went.
i stopped, only once, to wipe the tears from my heart as i tried to piece
together the events of my evening.
the earliest memories i could recall survived through those last few minutes
of consciousness as i was left wimpering and empty handed.
i remembered the weight of my veins, flowing freely as he wrapped his proficiently
skilled fingers around my throat, crushing my trachea, causing me to gasp vehemently.
i remember the world fading to black and then proceeding to meld into a swirling of violent
reds and fushias, laden with everything i swore i had forgotten long ago.
and all at once. it is done.
i arrived home, barefooted, to an empty house, haunted with the ghosts of past loves,
failed marriages and rampant suicides. i dropped to my knees, pressing my cheek
against the cold, serenity of the tiled hallway.
i laid there for a moment embracing the quiet solitude before retiring to the bathroom to cleanse myself of a filth that was slowly making its way underneath my skin.
curled with my knees to my chest, my mind wandered to thoughts of everything that is, ever was and never will be.
the realization struck me right to the core; an exaggerated bolt of lightning.
vanished, as suddenly as it came, left was i to bleach my skin of life's little imperfections,
i watched my life swirl down the drain.
with it, went the hope of recovery.
with it, my pride.
with it, went i.