e_loveless

sometimes i forget this journal even exists anymore.
mainly because i've grown to dislike this site over the past little while i suppose..
don't get me wrong, the people are fanfuckingtastic.
but i'm just not really a fan of.. the direction this place has headed in...
or maybe it's the fact that i've been a huuuuge picnic/apnea fan since way back in the day, lol.
anyways.
just over a month until coachella.
pretty excited, we're now driving which should be pretty damn excited.
but my oh my. 38 hours in a car is enough to drive anyone batty.
i love how stubborn you are in refusing to let me drive your precious car.
i'd probably get us lost anyways :p
what else is new.. hmm..
tattoo appointment booked for mid may. soooo excited.
bonnaroo in june.
against me AGAIN, also in may. three times in less than three months!
that's more tom then i think i can handle.
ha. who am i kidding.
oh, and new hair again.
now i'm going to be a dyeaholic after leaving it be for so very long, i know it.



something has seemed to... warp in the last little while.
slowly my vision of the world in its entirety is changing.
no longer am i feeling as cynical and angry as i have throughout every year leading up to the current.
and i am one angry bitch.
we're not entirely sure why, in all likelihood it stems from my terrible self image/hatred/defacing issues.
well it's not likely, it's evidently fucking obvious.
but as the weeks go by, and the 5am trips to the gym/hours of reconditioning start to slowly show results,
i find myself more comfortable in my skin.
less irritated and hollow. less... i don't know.
i feel like i've woken up in an alternate universe.
one where i'm free to exist. to function. to grow. learn. be.
somewhere allowing me to feel just as deserving of this precious air as the next.
for once in my life i'm not constantly wishing for my demise..
and it feels fucking good.
now, if only we could sucker someone into dating me...