e4

I think i have issues that involve me believeing that in the long run i am not ment to be happy. I joke when i am stressed. laugh when things go wrong. I usually have a good attitude and I would like that to maintain. hopefully ill be able to keep it when times are rougher for me. It is just so difficult. to put on that smile, and to laugh. its not me pretending to be happy, but having a desier to be happy. I used to believe that it was my purpose to improve the quality of other peoples lives and to forsake my owne. I am not quite so masochistic now, but sometimes it feels its that way weather i want it to be or not. at least I will be trying to do well. I think it is ok in a way or good for there to be people out there that are willing to do well by those they care about without regard for themselves. I wish i could be like that more often and not at all.