dylan

Dear Ms Dylan,
We are delighted to hear how much you enjoy using our products from your recent contact with our Customer Careline [a few months ago I drunkenly wrote them a 31 point letter of all the things I eat their mayonnaise with, including, but not limited to, human body parts].
To thank you for taking the time to contact us, we would like you to accept the enclosed limited edition Hellman's Bistro Bowl, perfect for sharing the great combination of chips and your favourite Hellman's mayonnaise. They have been exclusively designed by celebrity designer, Anna Ryder-Richardson with the aim of helping you to recreate that restaurant experience in your own home.
We hope you will enjoy using this when friends and family next come round.
Kind Regards
Hellman's Team.



Awesome. Awesome to the MAX.

For the last few days I've been stuck in my room grumbling to myself about my cold (my head feels full of cotton wool) and trying to make some kind of Japanese School Girl costume. Ah ha, you say, simple, just make a sailor sash and attach to a white shirt! You already have knee socks, and a short skirt, what could be simpler?
Bloody buggery sash thing.
I've already trashed one shirt in the process.
The second one is looking a little better, but I'm going on the basis that - meh, nobody will look at it closely if I flash my knickers a lot.
I've also been attempting to create a strip routine to some music that Ciel sent me - it's been hilarious catching glimpses of myself in the mirror, as it's painfully obvious that a) I cannot dance, and b) I am probably going to either injure myself terribly, embarrass myself terribly, or more likely both.
On the plus side, I've had a lot of fun making black sequinned pasties.
Behold the nipples of doom!

I made them all by myself (the pasties...not the tits). As long as you don't look too closely, you can't tell that they're about 90% glue and will probably fall apart.