dx927

I was hanging out at the same house I have been for weeks now last night. Got home at like 7am and was completely depressed and in a really bad mood. I wasn't even tired but I went to bed and stayed in bed til after 4 this afternoon. I was just sitting there and everyone was talkin about sex, relationships, etc and since I'm not exactly able to insert much into the conversation, I felt completely left out and thus lonely. Then ontop of everything, I looked around and realized that I was sitting on a big couch completely by myself. Which didn't really help matters. There was a girl friend of mine there last night and I so wanted her to just come over and sit next to me, put her head on my shoulder, cuddle with me, just something to make me feel loved. But instead she wound up falling asleep on my friend. That's when I had enough and got up and left. That partly and also because everyone else had fallen asleep again and I wasn't gonna sit there by myself when I have my own house to go to.

I think what originally set this into motion is that the my girl friend mentioned earlier "I have a thing for tall and skinny guys." and I'm like "yeah, no shit. it's not like a girl ever says that she has a thing for short and fat guys!" and then everything else just sorta fell into place into a nonstop downhill motion of me being depressed.

Wanna hear something interesting about me? I have never even cuddled with someone. That's all I really want, just someone to spend time with, have near me, feel like they want to be near me. Have them come up and use me as a pillow because I make them comfortable. I have never had that ever.

I'm cooking a big fish/seafood dinner tonight for Christmas Eve. It's a tradition in my family...I guess it's sorta an Italian tradition but they never really made it out to be that way. We just always have had a seafood dinner for Christmas Eve and then a more traditional one on Christmas Day except that my mom would make lasagna, stuffed shells, ravioli, etc depending on how many people we were having over. Tomorrow it'll be turkey, lasagna, and all the other stuff.

Merry Christmas everyone. Hopefully tomorrow will be a little better for me.