dx927

I'm in a really pissy mood right now. How do you go from "Did you miss me today? I thought about you a little bit today, etc etc." to not even talking to the person at all? Not even a "Hey, i'm really busy" in over a week, just nothing. I'm afraid I scared her off. I just haven't felt this way about someone in a really long time and maybe I got a bit obsessive. But she wasn't exactly one who didn't like it. I just don't know anymore about much of anything. I wish she would just say something instead of keeping me hanging on. For once in my life, rejection would probably be better than just not knowing at all.

Last Saturday I sat at home all alone thinking about someone that I'll never have and my friends were apparently all hanging out and no one called me. And then people wonder why I always think that people are ditching me....because they are. The voice in my head should just be a constant:

"Nobody likes you. Everyone left you. They're all out without you. Having fun."

That's essentially what it's been since high school, now at least I have actual words to go with it.

My birthday sucked because people I've never even met remembered it was my birthday and of the friends I have here, 2 of them actually remembered/called. My parents and I usually do dinner and stuff for my birthday, we didn't get to do that since my dad had to have his surgery that day. I think now I would just like to know when my birthday is actually going to be now. It's getting a little ridiculous. It may sound selfish but it is supposed to be my day.

My head hurts and I'm sad. Someone help.