durpa

work is grueling, and apparently i will receive all the money i've been expecting. 4 months in utah. My heart is so bitter right now, i'm trying to fight it off so hard. it's affecting everything i do. jessica and i pretty much vocalized our bitterness to each other today. fuck... now i'm so sure it's over. in lighter news, i finally have spoken with brian since he called me to update me on his new phone number, and i told him my plans and he's happpy i'm moving back and wants me in the band. i will call the rest of my band members to see if they want me back. MTV's got our CD, they don't have a bass player and they are already playing shows. i hope it works out. i can't deal with much more rejection right now. it's raining at least here and i love it. my frined Rovas from brazil has got my back and did a great job cheering me up. i love him. i love brian too. we click so well, if i was a girl i would spouse that son of a bitch. less than two weeks before xmas, what the fuck am i going to do ??? im grateful for 3 things in this shitty life of mine--bass, rovas and brian. everything else can go fuck itself. a man with good friends is luckier than a man with riches.