i am realy tired of being alone in life i really need to feel some one close to me again. the worst thing about it is i just want someone to just sit close to me and watch a movie, give me a hug when they see me and just hang out with me (that is female), just someone to make me feel like i am not just an empty soul in this world. Some of the days that i wake up i don't even know how i wake up because right now i am just waking up because my friends the ones that i still talk to would miss me and i don't want to hurt them. they even know that i am not the person that they meet even a year ago. i think that i am just trying to find out if i can keep then above the surfice of the water and see how long i can survive while holding my breathbecause that is all i am staying alive for anymore. i looked at it the other day, the friend that i treat like a little sister and i were hanging out and i felt a heck of a lot better then i have felt in the past cople of months i even told her that when she droped me off at my house. i just need a girl to sit and watch a movie next to me with not even a sex buddy even though it have been more then a year sinch i have had sex and i have only had sex with one personin my whole life. i just need someone to hang out with that would not mind the occansunal hug when we see each other and sit next to me when we are watching a movie.
thats all
jay
thats all
jay
you gotta look at all the little things that make you happy. find something that keeps you going.. start calling people to hang out with. (for example - i am throwing a party for my freind this saturday. hes turning 21. and it'd be great if you and luke, and who-ever could come help us celeberate his birthday. you can meet new people who are awesome, and have some fun!)
to get myself out of the rut somewhat.. i got on anti-depressents. they have helped alot. and i had to re-evaluate my life, and make some life decisions. (you actually helped in that.. with the tarocards). i had to make a list of things i wanted to change about myself, and things i wanted to do to make me happy. and slowly.. i am able to cross things off. and it is working. im not where i want to be yet.. but iknow if i keep going, and keep my head up, ill get there eventually.
and i know you will too.
dont give up.
ide miss you. and your silly jokes and stories. your smiling face that seems happy to see me.
phone # - if you need to talk to anyone.. my phone is always on. (860) 205-8759. aim - EatTheMeek37 .
feel free to call.
and i hope ill see you on saturday... cause it'll be alot of fun!