duncanj100

Really excited about going to Bruges tomorrow (well today technically) not excited about the 4 am start though first holiday in 3 years going to be great

There are times I just could not give a solitary fuck, this is one of those times

I am in full holiday mood so I don't care about work

I've realised what a bitch my ex was so she can go hang

And I now (thanks to holiday) only have 3 full days of work left

sometimes all it takes is realising you can escape...
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So I started getting hopeful.

since then 2 family members have died, not close family members but enough to see a decline in my dads mood (his cousin and his sister-in-laws dad are the ones that died so both people he was close to)

at this point I feel so helpless, so useless and like there's nothing in this world that is going well for...
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Christmas Shopping: Sorted

Crappy Job: Still Ongoing

Warm Clothes for Bruges: Bought

I'm very much living day to day at the moment, trying my hardest not to let it all get me down, thankfully I have going to Bruges next week to keep me going.

I'm also trying to reduce my drinking, though some days there is nothing I want more...

Things that are keeping...
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So this weekend I did something I swore I never would...


I returned to Bradford, and I still don't like it, despite not having been there in years and not being alone I still had mild panic attacks, so freaking bad

then went to the light up a life at the local hospice, every year there's a bulb that comes on for a few seconds...
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today has been truly shit

nothing has gone right

I am fucking done

I am giving up

At the moment all the fighting doesn't seem worth it

maybe should have given up a long time ago

but for now I'll keep fighting, cos I don't know what else to do

"I'm in a crisis, I need help, come on mood shift, shift back to good again"

Is it wrong I celebrate when people I went to school with don't recognise me? not because they were assholes at school more cos I don't want to interact with them?

I'm beginning to worry more and more about my sociopathic tendencies lately, and that most of my social interaction stems around 1 or 2 people, 1 of which is going away for 3 months...
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are you supposed to know what you want or what you're doing with life by the age of 26? cos I sure as hell don't

I'm getting fed up of bashing my head against the wall at work, if there was a modicum of intelligence involved I would swear it was sabotage, but no it's just idiocy

It's only just now sinking in that for...
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anyone got any hope to spare?

could really use some