duncanj100

So for all the times I say I'm no longer helping people who don't deserve my help or that I have no reason to help, why the hell am I still doing it? whether it be people who haven't spoken to me in years or people who I'm not entirely convinced has ever actually liked me? guess I just have mug written all over my...
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I apologise for my last few posts, a combination of alcohol, stress and just general despair is not a good mix

on a plus side I'm back home and will be sleeping in my own bed tonight, so hopefully I'll feel better for that.

I think my main issue at the moment is feeling unappreciated, I try my hardest to keep so many people happy...
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The more i am alive the more cuntish i realise i am, like i noticed a Facebook update from my ex saying herand her daughter are being kept awake by the neighbors fucking, and my first thought is "good, that's what you fucking deserve for saying you don't have the time for me and your daughter and then starting to date someone else less than...
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The more i am alive the more cuntish i realise i am, like i noticed a Facebook update from my ex saying herand her daughter are being kept awake by the neighbors fucking, and my first thought is "good, that's what you fucking deserve for saying you don't have the time for me and your daughter and then starting to date someone else less than...
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So I'm lying on a rather uncomfortable camp bed in a room with no curtains and a street light right outside...fuck this

Also learnt one of my closest friends uncle is on his deathbed so have been trying to comfort him too from half a country away

I swear all the bad shit happens to good people that don't deserve it

I need some faith...
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My brain is pure evil, the first dream I remember in a long while and it involves my ex...bastard brain

anyway today is the drive up to Scotland, going up for my cousin's wedding, 5 hours alone in a car by myself, lets see how my sanity holds! bet I'm arguing with myself within the first 2 hours

dreading the family asking the "so when...
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Been rewatching Firefly and completely forgot about the bit at the end of the serenity episode, couldn't find a video unfortunately but it's Mal and Simon talking

Mal - "had a good day"
Simon -"You had the alliance on you, criminals and savages, half the people on the ship, including yourself, have been shot or been wounded and you're harbouring known fugitives"
Mal -"still flying"...
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In weight loss news I've lost another 2lbs in the past week and am now down to 13 Stone 8

Sadly thats about all the good stuff, insomnia is back and worse than ever (could be helping the weight loss) My finances are more or less completely fucked, the next couple of months are going to be interesting, all the jobs I apply for apparently...
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That whole positive outlook thing...not going too great right now...well shitass!

A friend asked me the other day if I was depressed, I don't think I'm depressed I mean I know I'm not happy, but I'm not exactly miserable or thinking there's no hope

True, I don't think there are many people I would trust as much anymore but thats just because of people being people.

I was also asked what it was I hoped for...
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Today was another day that made me feel kind of worthless and shitty.

worked far too much, just a nice 10 hour day of shit cos management um and ah about everything and you're left running ragged to the brink of falling down exhausted, my feet were actually bleeding from being on them all day.

And then I come home to a big empty house,...
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