dumbunny

I'm sitting here upstairs, my sick son asleep in his room, my husband and 2 other couples downstairs celebrating the two guys b-days... laughing, joking, obviously having fun. Not drinking at all since hubbie wont let alcohol in the house... But I'm not sure what would/is pissing me off more... If they were drinking I would feel mopey and depressed because I can't... But the fact that they are all so happy and having fun w/o a drop to drink just infuriates me... How??? How the fuck are they doing that?! Why can't I do it too?! Pisses me off...

I've said a few times I'm coming down, after I give Nico his medicine, after he eats, after he falls asleep... Well, he's been asleep for about 45 mins now and I'm still sitting here... I took my meds hoping after they kicked in I would feel an iota of desire to go be social... Nothing... I don't want to go force smiles and fake laughter... All I want to do is sit here and stay away from all the mess... Besides, I would just bring the party down with my mood... and that's not fair to them... they're supposed to be having a good time, and they are...

So I'm still sitting here...