It's another "one of those days". Troll is home from work today. His truck is fucked up and he has another appt for his back shots today. So I headed into the office by myself this morning. How lonely. Got to the office and went through the motions of making coffee but forgot to put the pot on the burner. Retard. So when one of the guys got here he informed me, laughing, and we cleaned it up. My dad had his 2nd hip replacement yesterday so I'm going to visit after work today. The hospital is 2 miles from my work so that's cool.
I just can't shake this blah feeling of sadness for some reason. I think it's bc I've been making advances at Troll with no luck. I know it's busy here at work and he's getting home later and is tired. But he just seems distant. I don't know what it is. I just feel so overwhelmingly insecure. Maybe if my fat ass would get skinny again eveything would be better, like how it used to be. If I hadn't become an alcoholic. If Mom hadn't died. If we hadn't moved. What if, what if, what if.
Sometimes I really hate myself for being such a fuck up. I hate feeling like this.
11am - What a lame day. 1 of the girls called out. Said she had better things to do, LOL. Must be nice. Spoke w/ Troll a little bit ago. I had texted him saying how lousy I felt. He was nice. Said he loved me and would be waiting at home (duh) for me. It's getting close to lunch. Haven't heard from my Dad yet as to if he'll be available on my lunch break. Guess I better call him soon to check. I really just wanna curl up with Troll and watch a movie...well, actually, I'd like to get laid, LOL. But I'd settle for snuggling. Well, better get back to actually working.
I just can't shake this blah feeling of sadness for some reason. I think it's bc I've been making advances at Troll with no luck. I know it's busy here at work and he's getting home later and is tired. But he just seems distant. I don't know what it is. I just feel so overwhelmingly insecure. Maybe if my fat ass would get skinny again eveything would be better, like how it used to be. If I hadn't become an alcoholic. If Mom hadn't died. If we hadn't moved. What if, what if, what if.
Sometimes I really hate myself for being such a fuck up. I hate feeling like this.
11am - What a lame day. 1 of the girls called out. Said she had better things to do, LOL. Must be nice. Spoke w/ Troll a little bit ago. I had texted him saying how lousy I felt. He was nice. Said he loved me and would be waiting at home (duh) for me. It's getting close to lunch. Haven't heard from my Dad yet as to if he'll be available on my lunch break. Guess I better call him soon to check. I really just wanna curl up with Troll and watch a movie...well, actually, I'd like to get laid, LOL. But I'd settle for snuggling. Well, better get back to actually working.