This is the worst fucking new year ever. Alone and hurting like a mutherfucker, and realizing that the one focus I had on the new year, the one thing i was gonna try to improve is not really there. I give up. I am so tired of pain. So fucking tired of it. Nothing numbs it anymore. not the cutting or the drugs or the company of other people. none of those things will help me right now. ive always ran to them in the past. but as i try all 3 of them tonight nothing helps the pain in my heart. i guess when you experience a love so strong that it hurts, you should know that the pain of losing that love would be even more intense than the love itself.
Even this morning he didn't care when I called. I don't think he spent the night alone. As a matter of fact I'm pretty sure of it. I don't know when hell be home. He doesnt want to be here with me.
The one thing I wanted more than anything is over. That sux.
why doesnt he care? why am i alone tonight? why cant i change who i am......
The worst part is its all my fault. I hate that. I hate me.
Even this morning he didn't care when I called. I don't think he spent the night alone. As a matter of fact I'm pretty sure of it. I don't know when hell be home. He doesnt want to be here with me.
The one thing I wanted more than anything is over. That sux.
why doesnt he care? why am i alone tonight? why cant i change who i am......
The worst part is its all my fault. I hate that. I hate me.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
cunninglinquist:
you learned from it i hope and will be a better person for it
quietantrum:
i love u sweetie and i'm sorry things didn't work out. just remember u are single and there are other fish in the sea. i know its easier said than done, and especially hard when your living with the person, but u are a hot mamma and i know u know how to work it. one of these nights u just gotta be like, "B-i'm going out on a date tonight with hot guy i met and u can sit at home and be all jealous and hurt and appreciate how i've been feeling lately."