Well, just seems that once one thing gets better another gets worse.
Brandon and I still aren't doing too hot. Things got pretty bad last night. I try my hardest to show that I care and do stuff for him, but I don't think that it is enough. He even said so himself. So I am not sure what to do. I really am trying. I just wish I could do better. Though sometimes it seems easier to just walk away ang give up I am not going to. He's been through hell and back with me and he never gave up or walked out on me. And he should have. I know that we can get through this if we hang in there and try. I just wish it didn't hurt so bad all of the time. I know that he needs me more than ever now in this time of his life. And I am not about to leave him no matter how much easier it may seem or what anyone else thinks. I love this man with all of my heart. Whether he believes it or not LOL. And I am gonna hang in there as long as he will let me.
He asked me some questions last night that I normally would have lied about, but I told him the truth. It took a little bit of effort, but I told him. And I felt good about that. I hope he did too.
I am still very paranoid about him and this girl from work. I keep having nightmares about it. I'm so afraid of losing him to someone else. I'm afraid he'll find someone who will treat him better. The way that he wants to be treated etc. I just have to hang in there I guess. Whatever happends. Plus, like a wise old owl told me once *hehehe* if he wants to do something with someone else he is going to do it regardless of me being his gf or not. And vice versa. So I just gotta have faith and trust in him that he loves me enough and cares enough not to venture that way. I hope that is the case. I thought it hurt when he just kissed her. I can't even imagine the pain of him doing anything else with her. I guess I wish that he would just give me some reassurance. Tell me not to worry about it, that he isn't going to do anything with her. That he doesn't want her, he wants me blah blah blah. But I guess we don't always get what we want now do we? LOL.
On the plus side, I did find out from the doctor today that the tumors that have returned are benign. That is very good news. That means that we can go in and try to jsut remove as much of them as possible to avoid any internal problems if they grow etc. So I may not have to have a hystorectomy at all. YEAH! I still have to do some not so fun doctor stuff, but it's better than the alternative.
On another down side, I have lost my pain killers. I could have sworn they were in my purse or the car, than I couldn't find them so I thought I had left them at my house. But I stopped by there today and can't find them anywhere, that probably means that I dropped them at the bar yesterday. So I have to call and see if they found them. If someone who worked there found them I am sure I will get them back. But if someone who was hanging out there did I probably wont. They will probably keep them. Since they werent even opened yet. I don't have the money to get more yet either. ARGH! Anywho, I think I am going to try to get a little bit of cleaning done. And wait to hear from Brandon on whether or not hes coming home today. I don't think he wants to talk to me though so he may not even call.
Hope you all have a better day than mine as usual lol.
*kisses*
Brandon and I still aren't doing too hot. Things got pretty bad last night. I try my hardest to show that I care and do stuff for him, but I don't think that it is enough. He even said so himself. So I am not sure what to do. I really am trying. I just wish I could do better. Though sometimes it seems easier to just walk away ang give up I am not going to. He's been through hell and back with me and he never gave up or walked out on me. And he should have. I know that we can get through this if we hang in there and try. I just wish it didn't hurt so bad all of the time. I know that he needs me more than ever now in this time of his life. And I am not about to leave him no matter how much easier it may seem or what anyone else thinks. I love this man with all of my heart. Whether he believes it or not LOL. And I am gonna hang in there as long as he will let me.
He asked me some questions last night that I normally would have lied about, but I told him the truth. It took a little bit of effort, but I told him. And I felt good about that. I hope he did too.
I am still very paranoid about him and this girl from work. I keep having nightmares about it. I'm so afraid of losing him to someone else. I'm afraid he'll find someone who will treat him better. The way that he wants to be treated etc. I just have to hang in there I guess. Whatever happends. Plus, like a wise old owl told me once *hehehe* if he wants to do something with someone else he is going to do it regardless of me being his gf or not. And vice versa. So I just gotta have faith and trust in him that he loves me enough and cares enough not to venture that way. I hope that is the case. I thought it hurt when he just kissed her. I can't even imagine the pain of him doing anything else with her. I guess I wish that he would just give me some reassurance. Tell me not to worry about it, that he isn't going to do anything with her. That he doesn't want her, he wants me blah blah blah. But I guess we don't always get what we want now do we? LOL.
On the plus side, I did find out from the doctor today that the tumors that have returned are benign. That is very good news. That means that we can go in and try to jsut remove as much of them as possible to avoid any internal problems if they grow etc. So I may not have to have a hystorectomy at all. YEAH! I still have to do some not so fun doctor stuff, but it's better than the alternative.
On another down side, I have lost my pain killers. I could have sworn they were in my purse or the car, than I couldn't find them so I thought I had left them at my house. But I stopped by there today and can't find them anywhere, that probably means that I dropped them at the bar yesterday. So I have to call and see if they found them. If someone who worked there found them I am sure I will get them back. But if someone who was hanging out there did I probably wont. They will probably keep them. Since they werent even opened yet. I don't have the money to get more yet either. ARGH! Anywho, I think I am going to try to get a little bit of cleaning done. And wait to hear from Brandon on whether or not hes coming home today. I don't think he wants to talk to me though so he may not even call.
Hope you all have a better day than mine as usual lol.
*kisses*
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
kingskottie:
this girl is so groovy!
desmobile:
health is the most important.