dulcemara

I wish the pain would just go away.

Brandon hung out with a girl from work yesterday. The girl he met and is giving rides to and from work. He came home and told me he kissed her. But stopped it. I appreciate him not going any further, and definately for telling me the truth but I can't stop crying. I feel us slipping apart and it hurts so bad.

I've done way worse to him in the past. And if I feel this bad, I can't imagine how terrible he felt.

I am just really having a hard time with this whole reality thing. Coming to grips with my life and who I really am. And I don't like either of them. So I have to change it. But I've spent too long trying to get things working with Brandon and I . Three years and I love him more than anyone (other than my son) I just can't get the strength to walk away. If I give up now that WOULD be like throwing away 3 years. I know that we can be great together. It just takes alot of effort and compromising. And for me to change.

Anywho, I have NO CLUE what is going on with Brandon and I. There's no label or anything and I don't think there will be one anytime soon.

Ugh, and hes gonna be with this chic everday of work. Picking her up and dropping her off. That makes me SO NERVOUS.

I don't want to work. I just want to crawl into a hole and pretend all of this isnt happening lol.

But I do have dinner at Outback Steakhouse with all of my co workers. Wish I was in a better mood for it though

Have a good day all.

*kisses*