dulcemara

Well last night was TERRIBLE. Things don't seem to be going too well with me and Brandon. It is my fault. I lied to him about something. Something that I didn't need to lie about but I did anyways. He's pretty upset and how can I blame him ya know? So I don't know what is going on with us. We haven't tlaked about it. So now I get to spend ALL DAY at work worrying about it. NOT COOL. I hate that. We spent a good hour or so just telling eachother things about the other person: good, bad and ugly. Just to be honest about as much as possible. I'll admit that alot of the things that were said made me cry last night. But that's not the point. It was for us to be honest with eachother. I don't even know if it helped anything. But it's done. I actually got up early today, at like 6:30 am because I slept like shit all night long. You ever get the feeling that you can actually feel your heart breaking? I feel it right now. I just hope he doesn't try real hard to find some other chic to talk to at work or whatever because he's mad at me. At least not until he tells me whats going on. Oh well, it doesnt matter. He deserves better anywho. He doesn't need this shit from anyone right now. And its obvious that I cannot change. As much as I want to. Lord knows I do. But it just seems hopeless. I hate waking up every morning and hating what I see in the mirror. I think I'm gonna move or something and just try to start over with people that don't know this side of me hehehe. Nah, it would just be the same shit, differant place.

Ok, I'm gonna go hop in the shower and get ready for work now. I hope you all have a fantastic day. At least better than mine. And a little word of advice. *Honesty really is the best policy* no doubt about it. Even though I would have probably gotten in trouble for the truth, at least he would have respected me for being honest.

ARGHHHHHH!!!!!!

Just like me to screw up 3 years of hard work, again, and again, and again.

have a good one everyone!

*kisses*