drunkpandainc

umm...i really dont know why i put this pic in this post...and frankly..i dont care. this was me and dustin a few months back. i was presenting the girl who took the picture with part of her bday cash. and me and dustin were offering lap dances....but i was too drunk to tell who was who...oh like the boobs on him?? i made them...lol all the girls at the party kept grabbing them and saying how real they felt...yup..marshmellows..lol


Well anyway. I just got off my first night of work for this week...blah...3 more left. last night a driver gave me a bottle of tequila for being such a great night time person...that and for not breaking anymore phones and scaring drivers with my temper. i had half of it at work and now i am enjoying the other half before i go to bed. heh its only 745 am... technically this is happy hour for me...considering i work nights..yup yup. oh brb..i need a lime. well fuckberries...no limes. my mum called me at work to tell me how fun her trip to New York was. hmm. she went to see the lion king play..that kinda sounds neat. Id rather go back to san deigo though. or hell even florida..even though i hated it...i had good company.

I was sitting around last night thinking about how freaking old i am getting....gawd the other night me and my bro got some people together and we had gotten beer....funny thing is most of them were still there at the end of the night. It kinda dawned on me that most of the people here were not more than 14-18...gawd..just kids... well the only 14 year old was my little bro..but hes always around. but my other bros freinds were here too. my bro is 19 his girl is 18..his freinds were like 17 and 16..the other girl here was like 18 as well...ahhhhhhhh. me and dustin were the only ones over 21.......and he dosnt drink and i only drink hard liquor....it was horrible after i thought about it. me and dustin started talking about taxes and shit while playing halo with all these kids. my bro and some of the other people kept asking me and dustin what we did in the military and how many people we killed...omg..what kind of crap is that to ask people??? poor dustin..he answerd thier questions about the army and i answerd the questions about the marines...and it freaked me out. for a few minutes i had wished i had invited more of my freinds....but then i rememberd...that i dont get along very well with people my own age. after my bro and his girl fell asleep and the rest of the peeps left me and dusting just sat around playing a game...not really playing though just talking and beeing goofballs. heh i didnt take him home till about 6 in the morning...farking long ass drive all the way to north plano. it must be nice to go home to a wife. well maybe not his wife...i was with her for 3 years and i dreded coming home to her most of the time. of course shes grown up a bit. but anyway. since that morning and all the way till now. i have been just thinking about how much time has really passed. I think i am getting weaker as i get older. I am not drinking as much, the cold acctually bothers me these days..lol. I am acctually starting to give a shit aobut lots of things. I used to be a real hearless person. and all this year i have gotten too soft i think. I miss mandie lots...I usually dont miss anyone especially those who betrayed me. but i cant help it now. i think back about dude nasty and most of all my High school sweet heart melany and wonder why was i such and asshole to them. heh for 4 good years she stood by me even when i was gonna abandon her for the military after high school. she stayed my freind after that. i didnt go into the military then. instead i dumped her. got with this really mean girl named meagan who cheated on me left for 4 years and then we got back together in october only so i could dump her a few weeks ago... lol... even dude nasty put up with me for 3 years and i did abandon her for the military...funny thing is she was waitng for me when i got back only so i could leave her last year... Why are guys so stupid. why do we take so long to figure shit out? gah i am rambling...its the tequila, and lack of sleep.. as we get older do we regret more things? gawd..25....i had hoped i would be dead before i reached this age.

What drives most of yall? I am still trying to figure out what i want out of life. when i was 16 all i could think about was how i wanted to be married to my fiancee serve my country, get through college and have a few little girls and a cat and just live happily. Yeah I know not to many guys think that way. but i did. I guess somwhere down the line I did a nice skydive off that path. lol. In the 9 years since then...gawd 9 years!! I went to some college didnt finish, get into all sorts of trouble with roomates, left to serve my country..got kicked out....settled down with a great woman and her 2 year old son only to be crushed and back to square 1... heh..at least i have a cat. For the life of me i cant understand what has gone wrong. maybe i am just thinking to hard on all this....well that and drinking too much.

Im upset. Dustin starts school in january. and he and dude nasty are the only people i can stand being around for more than an hour. that sucks. i can just imagine what it will be like when i start school again. I went to UTA when i was 18...man I thought it was the greatest thing ......that is untill i started working full time and my parents got a divorce and i fuck had to start helping my mum out....grrr my stupid father...why the hell couldnt he have waited 3 more years for me to finish school before he left. blah!!! why dose tequila smell liek feeet. heh

Last night one of our good drivers quit. was a damn shame. she came up to see me before she left to let me know that i cheered her daughter up with the email i sent her. apperantly shanna the girl that works during the day has a lost of respect for me. i remember when i worked in the day and shanna had just started. she was a wreck cause her boyfreind left her. shanna says i put her into prespective...what ever the hell that means. her mom says that I have always been the only one who could cheer her up the 4 years shes been at the company. ya know what..it kinda makes me feel good to hear that. about the only thing these days. I like making others happy, because weather or not you get recogniton for it you at least for that minute, hour, day week or month you know you made a diffrence.

ok..i have rambled just long enough... i havent made alick of sence... and my computer screen is gettig a bit blurry...that and i am out of tequila. oh my goddess!!! is freaking 9 am.... man..i really need to stay seated and finish a post in a decent amount of time.. i kept gettin up to get changed for sleep. well that and i take a shot and chit chat with who ever the hell keeps calling my cell......i dont even know who it is but they keep talking about things like i know whats going on....lol. who ever she was she sounded kinda cute. i think it may have been my old halo partner meghan. ...need to stop drinking.


If you read all my ramblings...oh my goddess i am sorry. I was just in a shitty mood and drinking. so again i apologize. you all have a great day and rest of the weekend. i love ya all. blessed be.