Wednesday Mar 28, 2007

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This layoff has done wonders for me. It's the first time since high school that I've really been able to take a break and look at things objectively (I made a budget, even. Exciting: I know). And I've probably gained about 25 pounds in the past few months too. Which is good. I'm healthier and happier than I've ever been

It's raining every day.
It was 75 earlier this week, and it should rain for most of the week. I have absolutely no complaints in that area. I can't explain how much I love the rain. It just feels right.

A new beggining, and all that jazz... I guess. Which, is probably even more appropriate now than ever.
(Hm, i feel some long winded self analytical type stuff coming on.)

SPOILERS! (Click to view)


I feel like my past is finally becoming my past, and my present is finally belonging to me, right now.
For the first time in my life I'm in new territory. I mean actually new territory. I've been in new environments before, but thats just a change of scenery, a different page in the same chapter of the same book that doesn't really go anywhere.
I physically left home a while ago. I made another home for myself and I started all over. Started all over in building the same life that I had left. So i left again, started again, and then I left again and started again, and so on. It was just the same thing every time: starting from scratch and leaving once I had figured out how I thought I was supposed to fit in.

In AA they say "where ever you go, there you are". I really like that. It's trite, maybe, but it's dead on. people are creatures of habit. We crave what we know. And what I [have] know[n], is being uncomfortable. I break myself down. I wear myself out. I make myself sore from exercise, exhausted from work, braindead and hungover, so that when I recover, physically, my "normal" feels "good" by comparison. And after overcoming these obstacles I've constantly put in front of myself, I realize it hasn't been untill just recently that I've actually tried working towards something difficult.
For the fisrt time I'm actually overcoming barriers and obstacles that I've never dealt with before. Important things.
And it's about time I tried running towards something, instead of away form everything.
So here we go.



In other news: I've been reading a lot lately (nothing like a good book and some totally bitchin homemade bread), mostly stuff that I should have read but never did. Some John Locke, I also started The Prince, and some other vaguley political stuff no one cares about, the most interesting of which was America's Secret War by John Friedman (founder of "Stratfor" which, apparently is a private intelligence company that monitors global politics and so forth). Anyways, It's an interesting, unbiased analysis of Al Qaeda and 9/11

VIEW 10 of 10 COMMENTS
vampirate:
I had a great birthday, despite some foul-ups over the organization of the party. It's nice having friends. O, what a fag I am. High five on Maslow's Modified Heirarchy; I feel like you and I could write a self-help book that would be less lame than average.
jena:
Just from your first comment (I'm finally making my rounds)-

They caught the guy!? Do you have a news link PLEASE??? I'm dying to read an update. eeek eeek eeek

I have to watch that Winslet clip later, I'm losing my youtube patience tonight. The volume is terrible. What are those clips from? B/c I saw another one. I know there is filthy language happening? Anyway...oh no, I had a crush on her from Heavenly Creatures. blush Eternal Sunshine is one of my most favorites too...I cry like such an asshole every time.

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