I haven't been getting much sleep lately. There have been too many things on my mind. In less than a month I will be graduationg from UW with my Bachelor's degree. I have been accepted to the MA program at Southern Illinois University. The fall semester begins in the middle of August, which means that I will have to move out there before then. Since I decided to quit working to focus on school last summer, I have little savings. This means that I will have to find a summer job and work all summer to hope for enough money for the move, rent, a deposit and any other costs I might have. Before I can do that, I will have to pay for a truck or trailer to move all my stuff out of my current apartment and down to vancouver. There I will either have to hope that there is enough space in my Dad's garage to hold my stuff or pay to put it in storage. the cheapest storage units I have seen are $30 a month and i do not even know if it is big enough. There is another option though, attempt to defer my enrollment until spring semester or even next year, so that I can work and earn money.
It's true I could ask my family for money, but they have given me so much and this is something I would much rather do on my own. It will be bad enough that I have to stay with them again before i leave. At this point in my life I feel that I should be taking care of myself. If I decided that to work for a year, then i would need to find an apartment to live in because I could not impose on my Dad like that. Not to mention that his new house simply doesn't have the room for me anyway. 6 months after I graduate, I will have to begin paying my student loans back if I am not enrolled in another program. These will be $250 a month payments, which will hinder my ability to save money, unless I can find a well-paying full time job. However, if I decide to work for a year, that will be my goal anyway.
At the same time that I'm considering all of this, I have been thinking about my life and the direction that I am going. I love academia and definitely want to spend my career in it, but at the same time I have been in school with no breaks since I was 5 years old. And the last few years haven't even had a summer vacation break because I have been involved in intensive summer programs. A year off might give me perspective and allow me to take a breather before diving headfirst back into it. Some people never go back after taking a break, but I don't see that happening with me. There really is no other choice for me. I love school too much. A year off might also give me the chance to consider some other schools and programs. I applied to 8 schools and was only accepted to 2 of them. There are other smaller schools I would consider applying to since I am going for my master's first, rather than straight to a PhD. Since, I will not be doing schoolwork at the same time that I am trying to fill out all my applications or worrying about the GRE exams, I think that I could rework my application materials to make them stand out more. Perhaps, I can find a school in a better location than Carbondale, IL!
There is something else that has been on my mind a lot. It's been really really tough and I'm not sure what is going on really. I'm not ready to post it here, so I just have to consider it myself. All of this has been running through my mind all day, every day for a while now. It makes it hard to concentrate on my studies and keeps me from sleeping at night, but I have to push through.
Out of all this though something has happened. I feel human again. The stress and everything has jolted me back. I am feeling emotions again, and even though they may be hard or painful, it is amazing just to feel at all. My sensations have not been completely gone because I have been working so hard to break out of my apathy, but this has brought it to a head and seems to have shaken me out of it. I feel alive and happy to be living...
It's true I could ask my family for money, but they have given me so much and this is something I would much rather do on my own. It will be bad enough that I have to stay with them again before i leave. At this point in my life I feel that I should be taking care of myself. If I decided that to work for a year, then i would need to find an apartment to live in because I could not impose on my Dad like that. Not to mention that his new house simply doesn't have the room for me anyway. 6 months after I graduate, I will have to begin paying my student loans back if I am not enrolled in another program. These will be $250 a month payments, which will hinder my ability to save money, unless I can find a well-paying full time job. However, if I decide to work for a year, that will be my goal anyway.
At the same time that I'm considering all of this, I have been thinking about my life and the direction that I am going. I love academia and definitely want to spend my career in it, but at the same time I have been in school with no breaks since I was 5 years old. And the last few years haven't even had a summer vacation break because I have been involved in intensive summer programs. A year off might give me perspective and allow me to take a breather before diving headfirst back into it. Some people never go back after taking a break, but I don't see that happening with me. There really is no other choice for me. I love school too much. A year off might also give me the chance to consider some other schools and programs. I applied to 8 schools and was only accepted to 2 of them. There are other smaller schools I would consider applying to since I am going for my master's first, rather than straight to a PhD. Since, I will not be doing schoolwork at the same time that I am trying to fill out all my applications or worrying about the GRE exams, I think that I could rework my application materials to make them stand out more. Perhaps, I can find a school in a better location than Carbondale, IL!
There is something else that has been on my mind a lot. It's been really really tough and I'm not sure what is going on really. I'm not ready to post it here, so I just have to consider it myself. All of this has been running through my mind all day, every day for a while now. It makes it hard to concentrate on my studies and keeps me from sleeping at night, but I have to push through.
Out of all this though something has happened. I feel human again. The stress and everything has jolted me back. I am feeling emotions again, and even though they may be hard or painful, it is amazing just to feel at all. My sensations have not been completely gone because I have been working so hard to break out of my apathy, but this has brought it to a head and seems to have shaken me out of it. I feel alive and happy to be living...