drone

If there could be a time or place to run to, Where would you go? Dream, No mourn the past. The remnants of joy atrophied; I can only glide my hand across the husk left behind.The louder I scream the less I am heard.
Brutality cannot render the voice any clearer nor volumous. Yet brutal is the nature of my past, Tainted is the present, and cursed is the future. I scoured through the old photos of my missed Sarah. I talk to her everyday as I have for the past 6 years; But she is further from me now than she has ever been.

SONG: Pictures of You

i've been looking so long at these pictures of
you that i almost beleive that they're real i've
been living so long with my pictures of you that
i almost believe that the pictures are all i can
feel

remembering you standing quiet in the rain as
i ran to your heart to be near and we kissed as
the sky fell in holding you close how i always
held close in your fear remembering you
running soft through the night you were bigger
and brigther than the snow and
screamed at the make-beleive screamed at the
sky and you finally found all your courage to
let it all go

remembering you fallen into my arms crying
for the death of your heart you were stone
white so delicate lost in the cold you were
always so lost in the dark remembering you
how you used to be slow drowned you were
angels so much more than everything oh hold
for the last time then slip away quietly open
my eyes but i never see anything

if only i had thought of the right words i could
have hold on to your heart if only i'd thought of
the right words i wouldn't be breaking apart all
my pictures of you

Looking So long at these pictures of you but i
never hold on to your heart looking so long for
the words to be true but always just breaking
apart my pictures of you

there was nothing in the world that i ever
wanted more than to feel you deep in my heart
there was nothing in the world that i ever
wanted more than to never feel the breaking
apart all my pictures of you

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I listen to that song as I have for sometime now. I remember the first time I made love to her. We listened to the album Disintegration by the Cure. I asked her to play Plainsong for me, of course she just left the CD playing. I long to relive those moments gone. I fear to relive them again. Precious moments are like dosages of a drug that we soon feel horrible withdrawl.
I can't self destruct; Something deep in me wants to move forward. Yet the present seems to lash me back to memories of the past.

SONG: Plainsong

"i think it's dark and it looks like rain" you said
"and the wind is blowing like it's the end of the
world" you said "and it's so cold it's like the
cold if you were dead" and then you smiled for
a second.

"i think i'm old and i'm in pain" you said
"and it's all running out like it's the end of the
world" you said "and it's so cold it's like the
cold if you were dead" and then you smiled for
a second

sometimes you make me feel like i'm living at
the edge of the world like i'm living at the edge
of the world "it's just the way i smile" you said









I am spent; But still awake. Too tired to go on, too restless to expire. I just exsist in the empty moments for til dawn. Goodnight.......