dree

I can literally feel my heart breaking.
I was doing so well with being strong and not getting sad over this anymore. I don't know what happened. I've kept that 'If he want's to talk to me, he knows where to find me' attitude I was talking about two blogs ago and conversation with him since that time is never bad. Last night something just snapped though, over something so little and dumb. Something that probably means nothing whatsoever and I'm just freaking out over nothing and blowing things way out of proportion.

The stupidest thing here is that I got myself worked up over something so stupid as myspace statuses. I noticed that my ex changed his status on myspace and the mood was betrayed, and my being the curious caring person I am, texted him to ask what was wrong. He said "What do you mean?", so I told him his status update. He replied "Hahaha. Nothings wrong. I wanted to see what the betrayed face was. Haha." So I just said "Ohh. Well then good. Haha. Glad there is nothing wrong." then he just said "Haha. Yeah. =) How are you?" so I told him that I was really sleepy and asked how he was, but I never got a reply back from him. I didn't think much of it until I checked myspace again and he changed his status to "Victory!" and the mood was amused. Then this girl changed her status to "Victory!" and changed her mood to amused. Then my ex changes his status again to "oh no!" and the mood is animated.... then the girl changes her status to "oh no!" and her mood to animated... At this point I'm getting weirded out because obviously they are talking to each other so I'm freaking out that what they are doing is flirting because he would always play make fun of this girl (like he did with everyone though) at school when we were dating and I started to wonder if they were talking not just through statuses, which they probably where because my ex changed his status again to "Victoria want's Dahveed" and then she had her status changed again to "Want's Dahveed." Thinking about this and typing this out makes me feel pathetic and stupid for even getting paranoid and freaking out this much about myspace!

He hasn't talked to me yet today. I'm honestly not sure he will. I don't want to talk to him unless he talks to me first. If he does get ahold of my it probably wont be until later tonight..

I don't even know. Conversation with him has been really good they past couple days since I got back from my mini vacation. I haven't gotten him being short with me and getting the feeling he doesn't want to talk, which is nice. He's actually said some things the past couple days that just make me flat out smile. Liek one night our conversation was:

Ex: "So when are you getting [his full name here] tattooed on you?"
Me: "When you put a ring on my finger... Or if you die. Either way you'd be fucked. Haha."
Ex: ".....Shit"
"Baha. Do I know how to make someone crap themselves or what?"
Ex: "Noooo. I'll put a rong on your finger one day."
Me: "A money ring?"
Ex: "and "when it's allowed to have seven wives ring. =)"
Me: "I don't share. =]"
Ex: "Poor."
Me: "Yee. I'm sure you could find another seventh."
Ex: =( Ouchh."
Me: Ouch? Why is this a sad face moment?"
Ex: Cause. I just got shut down."
Me: "Nooo. Because I'd love to be your wifey. You don't need me though if you have six othersss."
Ex: "Hahaha. I always need my suggah momma."
Me: "Hahahha. Then that I can be. No need for wifeyness then."
Ex: "Hahahaha. =D"
Me: "=D"
Ex: "I'm about to rape you. =)"
Me: Ahahaha. Thanks for letting me know in advance so I can brace myself for when the lovely act takes place."

Everything he says just makes me smile. We have the same sense of humor, he's adorable, he can be real damn sweet when wants to be, just, ugh. I know he still cares for me, but I'm not quite sure in what way anymore. I have no idea what his intentions are. I don't know if he wants to not get back together and just be friends or if he wants to continue how things are now and eventually get back together. He called the other night walking home drunk. He wasn't smashed or anything. He was... post drunk so kind of buzzed. We had a really good conversation. Jokes and laughs as usual. Then he told me he would text me because he was going to eat. So he texts me and this was our conversation:

Ex: "Sluuuuutterz."
Me: "Queen La Queefah."
Ex: "...I looked at your comments. I'mmmmm gunna fight that Rick kid =)"
Me: "He doesn't even liiiive here."
Ex: "Too bad. Kid can suck dick."
Me: "You can fight him. I don't know him. hah."
Ex: "Aww. Poooooor you!"
Me: "Whaaaaat is that supposed to mean?"
Ex: "It means he's a faggot. Aaaand he prolly thinks your fine. And doesn't know you have a drunk ex boyfran who still thinks you're superfine."
Me: "Aww. =]"
Ex: "Pffft. You know I do. It shouldn't be replied with an awww."
Me: "It should though. Becauuuuuse... I like to her it? Fo realz."
Ex: "Hahaha aight. Point proven..... but you already know you're a hot piece of ass."
Me: "Well that only matters when the person you want to think that thinks that. =] haha"

So I KNOW he still cares when he tells me things like this because he's obviously jealous of other guys talking to me, but... yeah he could still get jealous and not have the intentions of ever getting back together with me. You know? Bleh. Anywho, this morning I changed my myspace mood status to sad and I guess my ex just saw it because he texted me with "Why is you sad?!". Sooo... I feel a bit better now that he is concerned. And the whole status changing last night with him and the girl probably really meant nothing and was blown out of proportion... I suck. haha.