dready_mama

im taking my friend Sage's little girl Jedzia to the beach tomorrow. She's such a little doll. I hope i have a girl. If its a girl im going to name her Aubrey, Aubrey Moonbeam. I told brandon. He fucking cried. He was that upset. I told him that having another abortion was out of the question. Were back together. He called said he missed me and i told him that there was something really important we needed to talk about. She/he is going to have brandons last name wich is Head ironically enough, I always thought it was funny because he blows glass so its like head shop. My nausea isnt so bad anymore. I need to find another job, I went to school for a year and a half to be a LPN (practical nurse) I think that im going to do part time home health care. I dont like working in hospitals or assited living facilitys.It depressing. I think it might be because i spent so much time at the hospital when my dad was dying of lung cancer. It metastisied in his brain and bone marrow, causing seizures. He died on april 24 2003. I was so distraught. The next day when i was cleaning out his house i found a bottle of oxy 40's. I was so zoinked out that i didnt even cry at his wake. I still feel like an asshole for that. Pain pills have always sort of been my way of coping with life. Its been really bad the last 2 years. My back was all blown out from how large my breasts were. I was a 36 E cup. They weighed like 14 pounds. That a whole lotta tittie. Ive been taking 3 perc 10's a day for like 3 years. Thats alot of pain meds for someone as young as me. I was kinda worried about the baby because i was taking alot of pills before i found out. The doc says it should be fine and that i can take them through my pregnancy i just have to do it sparingly. I quit smoking ciggs though and that a good thing. Im really glad that i gave up drinking about a year ago. I would spend the whole pregnancy wondering if my kid would be retarded. i dont know why im like writing out like my whole fucking life story. I guess its just nice to write sometimes.
dready