drano

So it's been almost 2 weeks now since her and I have talked. I guess it's all part of her "need to love myself" deal. The times I tried to talk with her, just as a friend, were just so awkward that I had to end the conversation because it was too hard to supress my feelings. Well of course last week when she popped online she had no time to even say what was up. Just the usual "hey hope everything is great" message she leaves.

So in the end I don't know what to do or think. Luckily I work like a retard almost 60 hours a week. 60 hours of forgetting time I guess. Friends have been around alot lately which also helps strengthen me in the long run.

But I do have my weak points still where my mind wanders away and I get pretty depressed about things. Last weekend in AC at about 8am I stumbled drunk out of Bally's to the boardwalk and watched the sun comeup and just daydreamed about what I wish I still had.

The reminders around my apartment are few and far between now. Cleverly hidden out of sight, but placed where they can be retrieved if my hoplessness can be turned into hope. Visual reminders that I see daily have started to become numb from the frequency of sight. What would depress me has turned into numb reminiscense.