dragynn

hope.... is a strange thing. the emotions that i put myself through. i know that i don't have anything to stand on.... but i still grapple with it... edge out my toes further, insisting that they will feel something stable and solid.

why now? and what is now? all of my past making up what is to be my future..... how much have i changed? defining moments.... and i lose my clarity. the world has gone fuzzy.... and i sit and wait for things to shift back into focus.

more open to it, more hopeful of it perhaps because of impossibilities? securing my placement.

i know.. i know... this will not make sense to most of you... it's not my intention to make sense... so why not make it a private post?.... well.. i guess because i don't believe in making private posts. for all my cryptic vagueness.... i guess i feel it is better to have it out in the world than spinning around trapped in my head.

trying to let go again. to have things not be as important as i've allowed them to be in my heart.. in my head. you can almost fool yourself into believing anything. this is my reality... if i choose to make it real, it shall be... if i choose to make it less real, it shall be that as well.

strange attachments i've latched onto. unexpected and very unlike this recent version of me. perhaps it is all just a part of this getting used to getting older thing. and the fear quotient kicking things into high gear. i've become silly with confessions of drivel.



...and some days i feel like i've outlived my stay.