not connected.. not connected.. disconnected... broke the circuit. wires crossed and disconnected. uncertainty. doubt. mainframe lost. and i can't see it all. throwing myself amidst adventure. making it all up as i go along. do i still hope that one thing will make sense some day? shadows nesting on the wall. the ground is unsteady. chancing it all. and not chancing the rest. known vs. unknown. my gut tells me nothing.
ahh.. anxiety.. depression.. or just insanity. now if i could just stop picking at my skin. mirrors are bad ideas at this point. not even blood seems to be a stopping point. and i forget whether or not i ate today. i think i vaguely recall a bagel. trash piling on the floor. trash piling in the van. today is a day i analyze myself to be pathetic. really i'm just warped. i think i need to brush my teeth. but i'm afraid of the mirror.
ahh.. anxiety.. depression.. or just insanity. now if i could just stop picking at my skin. mirrors are bad ideas at this point. not even blood seems to be a stopping point. and i forget whether or not i ate today. i think i vaguely recall a bagel. trash piling on the floor. trash piling in the van. today is a day i analyze myself to be pathetic. really i'm just warped. i think i need to brush my teeth. but i'm afraid of the mirror.
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As my years of training are starting to advance, I am noticing that things around me which seem to occur really fast to other people are happening slowly and clearly to me. During times which are more frightening and confusing to others I'm able to stay calm and centered. So, if this sounds like somewhere you'd like to be, maybe put a little time aside every day to practice. 'Cause at the rate you're spinning, you might just turn into butter!
T.