ok.....so lately i've been having long and very meaningful discussions with Shane (who i recently realised i DON"T have a chance with...he's into a 16-yr-old girl he just met) about religion/spirituality. I've come to realise that I am very spirital but very strange. Ever since I opened up and realised taht all I believed was really spoonfed to me, people have been making comments taht they see "christ" or "god" in me more than in anyone else, and that they feel that god is going to use me in a very important light or something along those lines. But before, when i was deep in to the baptist faith, i never heard things like that. Shane even said things to me tonight that were like that. But i think that hearing things like that can change your judgement about yourself and your beliefs so i try not to let them sway my judgement much. it's just the sheer volume of those comments that has me thinking now. i've always believed that things happen for a reason, but not necessarily that it was "god's hand" just that the overall equation had to balance out.........well......what if everything everyone has ever believed about christianity has been false? what if EVERY religion really has some underlying truth and the surface really dosent matter? what if the only things that matter are that you believe in something...not just what that something is? that there's good and evil, relative to each person because we are all unique...but there are some things that are constant.........that nothing is deffinate, that everything is ever changing and that that change is in the spiritual energy that flows around everything and through everyone? that is what i believe now. what if that's the "message" i'm supposed to get out to people? or is that even what i'm being led to? i'm confused, but thoughtful.......i just pray/hope that i keep an openmind to whatever it is out there that i'm being led to by my spiritual nature.


i've also been recieving more "vibes" than usual.........like tonight i kept getting these strange comments about me needing to be careful, or about caution and discretion...........i've been feeling a buildup in spiritual energy lately...i know SOMETHING is getting ready to happen.....is this something that i need to be wary of? (yes...to those of you who i've never discussed religions/spirituality with.....i am very open to the spiritual -or ...psychic if you prefer- side of religion....aka i'm weird as fuck) patterns happen so we can recognise them and learn.....patterns are signs to follow......patterns are life, love and spirituality. these patterns keep popping up in my life so i can't ignore them anymore.....what is happening? i'm excited, but worried all at the same time. my eyes are opening to new things and my spirit is "awakening" in a sense. it's very hard to explain.....oh yeah..and i think my neighbor is possessed good stuff...right?