dragunceol

I'm so close to giving up on EVERYTHING! things have been going well, but I'm so tired, exhausted and sore that I just don't know if i can do this much longer. I'm working 40 hours a week, going to school full time....as a music student, and trying to keep some time for friends. I am supposed to be practicing 4+ hours a day on piano and 2 on clarinet/bass clarinet.......... but between classes work and friends I really dont have time for more than 2 hours on piano a day and none on clarinet...if i'm lucky i'll be able to squeeze in an hour of practice on clarinet a week. I know that if i want to ahve a chance to make it in the feild i want to be in (film music) then i need to continue classes and try my best to get into a good grad school in california or possibly ny or boston......but i'm so stressed, and stretching myself so thin...i dont know. It would just be so much easier if i had someone here. All i really want/need is someone i trust enough to be able to let them hold me and let them see me cry ......that's all, nothing more. but out of all the new friends i have, i dont feel comfortable enough with ANY of them to be able to be that "weak/girly/insert some appropriate word here" infront of them. I want someone who will tell me that i'm too hard on myself, that i'm doing my best and that's all anyone can ask of me. Someone to tell me that i'm doing a great job and that they're proud of me, someone to support me emotionally. I look around and i see all these college students with support from their families, and i'm jealous...then i see others with support from their g/f or b/f and i'm jealous.......i see happy people who have great friends that have always been there for them....and i'm jealous. most of my friends ive made in the past few months.....and the others are miles away. it wouild be so much easier for me if i could live on campus, but i can't.....what am i supposed to do in the summer or winter breaks when i'm not in class?? i can't go home, i can't go back to being surpressed in every aspect of my life, i can't go back to taking the blame for every thing i've never done right.........i just can't.....so i have to keep living off campus....but i have to make rent too...so i have to keep working myself to death and trying to make time for practice. But i'm stressed out like nothing else. am i ever going to get through this?