ok...this is how i've been feeling for a while now...this is why i dont like pensacola....this is why i've been depressed lately (and why I was depressed on Sat)
I don't exist except on the internet. I have no one in real life. I had Nikki, until today.......but now I don;t even have her. Pensacola is annother backwards little town somewhere between Florida and Alabama. People take one look at me and judge before they even let me open my mouth. My "friends" that I have that live here never want to do anything. I work, sleep and get online. I cook occasionally, and sometimes clean. I'm even a stranger to my roomate who is a stranger to me. Granted, that has it's perks....but still. I just feel so alone. I'm lonely. And I'm depressed. In Panama atleast I had Steph, Jess, Ash or James to talk to.....here...I have no one. I lost my friends when I was dating Jamie...I didn't care about anyone other than him, and now I'm trying to get them back.....or atleast make new ones. I've never had a best friend....until Jamie....and until Jamie i never knew what I was missing....now I really miss that more than anything.....Now I just feel like I'm everyone's backup plan......no one ever calls me to hang out...I always call them. Yeah. For the most part it is my fault for not giving a shit about anyone when I was with Jamie, but still, shit like that makes a girl lonely.
ok i'm gonna quit ranting about this now