My horoscope for today:
When it comes to issues regarding love and romance, don't hold back today, dear Aquarius. Things are working in your favor, and you should not hesitate to act forcefully and with great confidence. Show others that you mean business and don't back down as things begin to heat up even more. This is a sign that things are progressing in your favor and you shouldn't mistake this intensity for anything but true passion.
That scares the SHIT out of me.
Tonight he's set aside to be my night, before he leaves for Italy tomorrow.
I got him a card to go along with the calling card I got him. It's a rad card. It has an Amish guy on the front, and when you open it up, it says, "Amish you." Get it? Anyway, I was wrestling with the idea of signing the bottom not just my name, or "miss you", but with a little heart. It's not actually saying it. But you know, I sign a lot of peoples cards with hearts....my ma, my best friend....Heart is pretty generic right? But at the same time. I've never signed a card for him before like that...so....it sort of implies.....ahhhh, sometimes life is so difficult.
If I could explain to you all how many times I've dated shitty dudes and had it blow up in my face, you could probably understand why I don't want to scare this one off. I'm usually very strong and independent...then after so long, I just get...I doubt myself...I get worried...I get self conscious. I just don't want to ruin something awesome for being 'a girl'. Cuz I'm very tomboy. I mean, I love fishnets and heels...but I love me some football, and cars, and hangin' out with dudes, and talkin' dude talk. Girls piss me off mostly. But then I get all girl about relationships. Why is that?
I just don't want to scare him. He's had some rough relationships too, and he's just I don't know....I don't know what I'm talking about really. I mean, I know he really cares, but I don't want him to wake up one day and decide I've been too much for his very-independent-loner-type A personality type lifestyle. I just don't want to push him so much that I'm intruding. I don't know. Fuck. I think it's the holiday season that does this to me. And that we're creeping up steadily to a year together. And for someone that's never made it past 5 months. That's a hell of a long time. I've never tread this turf before. This is all new territory. I don't know what I'm supposed to feel like now. And I know it's kinda new to him too-his last girl broke his heart pretty much exactly at a year. So I bet he's getting nervous too. I gotta figure out a way to let him know that I'm still here...I still want to move forward...I'm not gonna cheat on him (that's what his ex did)...I want him to continue being a big part of my life. I want him to know that he's still good for me, and he's helped me grow...I want for his parents to know I exist...I want to KNOW that he's not going anywhere, and that he cares for me as much as I care for him. He seems to have gotten more guarded with his feelings with time. Right off the bat-he told me exactly how into me he was, which was a lot. And it was wonderful...but also, at that time, I was the one with guarded feelings, and it took me quite a while to come around and let him in (there's a lot of shitty things that happen to me that I had to explain to him-making me extremely vulnerable). That's what it is. I feel vulnerable now. God that hurts. I don't like being vulnerable. Ever. That's not me. Maybe that's the key. Maybe I should explain to him how vulnerable I feel, and that he needs to assure me that I shouldn't be. And I need to explain to him how it hurts, but fucking pisses me off more that he hasn't told his parents yet! Grrrrrr.......Great. Now I have to throw all this out there on the table the night before he takes off to Italy. This could go either really well, and I'll feel confident that he'll still be around when he comes back from Italy...or it could go not so well at all, and I'll have no idea whats going on with us the whole time he's there.
Whats a girl to do?????????????????????????????????????
When it comes to issues regarding love and romance, don't hold back today, dear Aquarius. Things are working in your favor, and you should not hesitate to act forcefully and with great confidence. Show others that you mean business and don't back down as things begin to heat up even more. This is a sign that things are progressing in your favor and you shouldn't mistake this intensity for anything but true passion.
That scares the SHIT out of me.
Tonight he's set aside to be my night, before he leaves for Italy tomorrow.
I got him a card to go along with the calling card I got him. It's a rad card. It has an Amish guy on the front, and when you open it up, it says, "Amish you." Get it? Anyway, I was wrestling with the idea of signing the bottom not just my name, or "miss you", but with a little heart. It's not actually saying it. But you know, I sign a lot of peoples cards with hearts....my ma, my best friend....Heart is pretty generic right? But at the same time. I've never signed a card for him before like that...so....it sort of implies.....ahhhh, sometimes life is so difficult.
If I could explain to you all how many times I've dated shitty dudes and had it blow up in my face, you could probably understand why I don't want to scare this one off. I'm usually very strong and independent...then after so long, I just get...I doubt myself...I get worried...I get self conscious. I just don't want to ruin something awesome for being 'a girl'. Cuz I'm very tomboy. I mean, I love fishnets and heels...but I love me some football, and cars, and hangin' out with dudes, and talkin' dude talk. Girls piss me off mostly. But then I get all girl about relationships. Why is that?
I just don't want to scare him. He's had some rough relationships too, and he's just I don't know....I don't know what I'm talking about really. I mean, I know he really cares, but I don't want him to wake up one day and decide I've been too much for his very-independent-loner-type A personality type lifestyle. I just don't want to push him so much that I'm intruding. I don't know. Fuck. I think it's the holiday season that does this to me. And that we're creeping up steadily to a year together. And for someone that's never made it past 5 months. That's a hell of a long time. I've never tread this turf before. This is all new territory. I don't know what I'm supposed to feel like now. And I know it's kinda new to him too-his last girl broke his heart pretty much exactly at a year. So I bet he's getting nervous too. I gotta figure out a way to let him know that I'm still here...I still want to move forward...I'm not gonna cheat on him (that's what his ex did)...I want him to continue being a big part of my life. I want him to know that he's still good for me, and he's helped me grow...I want for his parents to know I exist...I want to KNOW that he's not going anywhere, and that he cares for me as much as I care for him. He seems to have gotten more guarded with his feelings with time. Right off the bat-he told me exactly how into me he was, which was a lot. And it was wonderful...but also, at that time, I was the one with guarded feelings, and it took me quite a while to come around and let him in (there's a lot of shitty things that happen to me that I had to explain to him-making me extremely vulnerable). That's what it is. I feel vulnerable now. God that hurts. I don't like being vulnerable. Ever. That's not me. Maybe that's the key. Maybe I should explain to him how vulnerable I feel, and that he needs to assure me that I shouldn't be. And I need to explain to him how it hurts, but fucking pisses me off more that he hasn't told his parents yet! Grrrrrr.......Great. Now I have to throw all this out there on the table the night before he takes off to Italy. This could go either really well, and I'll feel confident that he'll still be around when he comes back from Italy...or it could go not so well at all, and I'll have no idea whats going on with us the whole time he's there.
Whats a girl to do?????????????????????????????????????
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...and what _Xena_ said...