How do you tell a child that Santa Claus doesn't exist? This question has recently come into my life thanks to my nephew. Helping keep the charade about mythical present bearing beings has robbed the little cookie eating machine of the knowledge that the X-Box and various Nintendo Gameboys and Gamecubes he loves to play incessantly were not in fact gifts from a jolly fat man in a red suit, but rather his often surly uncle.
To the world at large, I can't stand kids. But to a certain nine year old, I'm the uncle who introduced him to comic books when his momm worried because he couldn't read and taught him how to throw a spiral so his friends wouldn't laugh at him. I taught the little monster his multiplication tables and how to write his name. I actually got him the kitten but its prescence was attributed to a goddamn egg hiding rabbit. I got called at three in the morning on Christmas Eve to assemble a fucking bicycle because his worthless father was too much of a douche bag to even call, let alone be there to do it.
In the past, it didn't bother me since if the boy knew I was the mysterious sugar daddy, he would constantly be whining to me whenever he wants something. But I'm thinking of taking him to see some of the local wrestlers I work with, he'd get a kick out of it since nine year old boys love wrestling in that whole nine year old everything is real way. The problem is I can't take him to the show without accidentally exposing him to the truth. I like that he still believes in something and it would kill me if that changed.
The radio show went well except that jack-ass station manager booked my show and some other dude's at the same time!!! First they move my show to a new day, now this bullshit!!! The whole lot of them at that station have their heads up their asses. My new co-host did really well since my other one flaked. I just need to start getting me some guests or this talk show is going to be screwed.
I start pulling footage for the montage on the history of the company. Today is supposed to be gorgeous so I'm going to use my wireless card to look at naked ladies in the park.
To the world at large, I can't stand kids. But to a certain nine year old, I'm the uncle who introduced him to comic books when his momm worried because he couldn't read and taught him how to throw a spiral so his friends wouldn't laugh at him. I taught the little monster his multiplication tables and how to write his name. I actually got him the kitten but its prescence was attributed to a goddamn egg hiding rabbit. I got called at three in the morning on Christmas Eve to assemble a fucking bicycle because his worthless father was too much of a douche bag to even call, let alone be there to do it.
In the past, it didn't bother me since if the boy knew I was the mysterious sugar daddy, he would constantly be whining to me whenever he wants something. But I'm thinking of taking him to see some of the local wrestlers I work with, he'd get a kick out of it since nine year old boys love wrestling in that whole nine year old everything is real way. The problem is I can't take him to the show without accidentally exposing him to the truth. I like that he still believes in something and it would kill me if that changed.
The radio show went well except that jack-ass station manager booked my show and some other dude's at the same time!!! First they move my show to a new day, now this bullshit!!! The whole lot of them at that station have their heads up their asses. My new co-host did really well since my other one flaked. I just need to start getting me some guests or this talk show is going to be screwed.
I start pulling footage for the montage on the history of the company. Today is supposed to be gorgeous so I'm going to use my wireless card to look at naked ladies in the park.
because if that's your fear, i recommend the raised eyebrows method of response.
your nephew will hear this and turn to look at you, all questioning?? "the easter bunny brought me felix, right?"
and your response need not be: "well actually son, holidays are a sham." better off to say, "i don't know junior. some folks don't believe in an easter bunny, but i think you should make up your own mind on the topic. plus big mikey the fighter here isn't known for always getting his facts straight."