dr_u

Last night I was at the Hoffbrau Haus in Newport and got all kinds of drunk. I wanted to go to an all-night greasy spoon over on Monmouth for some stuffed hash browns, but my friend Claire wanted to go to the Diner on Sycamour and since she was driving I had to settle. Sobriety makes me think she didn't want to go to said greasy spoon because the last time we went some drunk dude had the cops called on him and we walked past some strippers from the Brass Ass arguing over whether to leave their shift early.

The whole time we were at the Diner she complained because of the fact that she has bad blood with the owner. I asked her why frequent a place if she hated the owner, but she gave some bullshit answer about wishing that she could go someplace late night for a bite to eat without having hatred or issues with the people running the place. I was drunk, so I said that frankly the problem was she has a lot of hatred for people in general. The overpriced meal sobered me up quickly. After all that whining, she said that she'd have rather gone to McDonalds.

Anyway, I still had a good time last night. So good in fact that I'm going to continue my tales of model misadventures with the tale of the models I affectionately nicknamed "the toxic twins" Missy and Trina:

Trina was a model I worked with for two sessions. The first time I worked with her was as a favor to my friend Hayley. Hayleys roommate Tawni decided to move out of Hayleys place and into an apartment complex nearby with Trina. For a time, all three were living in Hayleys apartment on a temporary basis and as near as I could tell they were quickly driving each other crazy.

Luckily for the men of the world, Trina decided to get a job as a stripper, because she figured the job would easily pay her share of the rent. Trina also decided to build herself a website and said that she needed pictures. Hayley volunteered my services and one Sunday afternoon in August, we proceeded to create enough pictures for her site. This was during my black and white period where I had completely abandoned color photography because at the time I believed that the only legitimate artistic nudes were in black and white. At that time I was also heavily into making my own prints in my darkroom and developing color negatives was out of the question. Once I purchased a negative scanner that phase ended relatively quickly, but I do sometimes miss the time and care that the darkroom forces upon a photographer.

The photos came out very well and Trina said that she was very happy with them. In fact the only drawback to the experience was that she failed to credit me for my work on her site. Because of that incident, I made sure to keep better control of what happens with my work after that.

The second and final session with Trina was about three months later. She posed for me in exchange for a ride to work. A fellow photographer was telling me about his experiments with double imaging and I decided to attempt it as well. By this time, Trina was sick of living with Tawni and complained to anyone who would listen. All throughout the session, she spat out the snidest statements about her one-time best friend imaginable.

Ironically, not a single of the double image photos from that session came out. Luckily, the roll of traditional poses came out perfectly, which were shot more as an afterthought than anything else. Nevertheless that session taught me that sometimes the line between accidents and artistic triumph is rather thin. Unfortunately, Trina never saw those particular photos because she moved away before I could give her copies. Since she never credited me with the other photos on her site, I dont feel very badly about her never getting to see them.

Trina and Missy were at one point best friends, just like Trina and Tawni. For some reason that neither would go into detail about, the two just decided that they would become sworn enemies. This meant that if you were in Missys presence, it was not wise to mention Trinas existence. Mentioning Trina was certainly not the wisest thing, especially if you were trying to convince Missy to give you a blowjob, which at the time seemed to be what I always trying to do.

Nevertheless, Missy happened to see that photo of Trina lying around my apartment while she was over. Now a closely guarded secret among women is that they are far more competitive than any man could ever hope to be. Women are constantly trying to outdo each other and are willing to hatch plots with such Machiavellian-like brilliance and detail it would take a team of military analysts months to come up with something half as good. If men could even fathom the cruelty and viciousness that women secretly display towards each other, they would never turn their backs to them.

When Missy saw the picture of her most hated enemy, her competitive juices began to flow. Under the guise of wanting to create a calendar for her boyfriend's Christmas present, she approached me to shoot them for her. I agreed and we set a date to shoot and she arrived at my apartment with several outfits and several four packs of Bartles and James wine coolers. Over the course of two hours, Missy downed the candy flavored liquid courage and modeled the various outfits while I shot.

During the course of the session, Missy got increasingly braver as the shoot progressed and soon was traipsing around the apartment topless trying desperately to pose as provocatively as she could. Since she was such a beginner, I kept it extremely light and casual during the session. Hoping to help her nerves, I jokingly suggested that she allow me to finish the shoot with her wearing just a Halloween mask. she laughed but said there was no way she was taking off her bottoms.

We had finished shooting all of the pictures that she claimed she wanted and had retreated to my room, when I asked one last time if I could take a photo of her wearing just the Halloween mask. She hadn't gotten dressed yet and was laying on the bed. I guessed that she expected me to ask to do something else, but by then I'd met the boyfriend and considered him a friend, so that was out of the question.

I suppose the silly energy we generated during the photo session motivated Missy. However, my intuition said it was the eight wine coolers she drank as well as her desire to outdo Trina, because Missy slid out of her panties, hopped up naked as the day she was born, grabbed the mask that looked like an old pirate, and started posing.

Upon seeing her in that state, I burst into laughter that did not end for a full three minutes. Im not sure if Missy was used to a man laughing at her naked body or not, but since she was wearing a mask I couldnt tell what her reaction was anyway. I think she allowed me to take the photo because she was wearing a mask and assumed she would remain anonymous. Missy must have been so drunk that she forgot that she had a Mayan sun tattooed on her belly, which made it very obvious who was under the mask, or it could be that she just did not care.

That photo came in handy months later, when my good friend Hayley revealed that Missy had been deceiving her boyfriend and was going to con him into marriage after giving him an STD. I say deceiving the poor fool as she had screwed around with several other guys on many different occasions and admitted that she did not love him. I was furious upon finding out that she had potentially exposed me to an STD. After several tests gave me a clean bill of health, and with Hayleys encouragement and assistance, I made a copy of one of the photos and dropped it off at Missys future in-laws doorstep, just so they knew what kind of person was marrying into the family.

I learned a lesson from Missy about always practicing safe sex. I also learned that just because attractive women are willing to sleep with you, that doesnt mean you should. This also taught me the rule of avoid sleeping with the models, because it will just confuse things.