dr_u

Since I'm unsure this script will ever actually be made, I decided to share it with you all, my online friends. This is what I was doing while answering America's questions about being beautiful. I defy you to read the whole thing.



The World's Greatest Sandwich

by

me

INT. Supermarket - DAY
Jay and Tom walk into a convenience store and grab drinks. They both reach for the only burrito left in the cooler. They settle the unspoken argument with a game of paper, rock, scissors which Tom wins and triumphantly heads to the microwave. Jay spots an empty deli counter and walks over to see the sign that says: WORLD'S GREATEST SANDWICH, MADE TO ORDER $2.50
Jay rings the bell and from the back comes THE CHEF, holding an already wrapped sandwich.
The Chef
We've been expecting you.
Jay
You have?
THE CHEF gives the sandwich to JAY
THE CHEF
I hope that you prove worthy of my work.
JAY
But I haven't ordered...
THE CHEF
All sandwiches are made to order.
JAY
Sure. Okay...
TOM walks up with his warmed over burrito.
Tom
That looks way better than this burrito. Can we trade?
JAY
Not a chance. Hey, can we pay for this stuff...here? (turns to see THE CHEF is gone) Huh? (puzzle) where did... Oh well.
CUT TO:
EXT. the city - DAY
Jay and Tom exit the store, unaware that they are being watched. They turn the corner start to notice that a crowd is following and watching them. They speed up and turn another corner but soon find that they are trapped by a crowd of thugs. THE LEADER, who has an eyepatch, steps forward.
The leader
So you thought you could get away with it didn't you?
JAY
What?
THE LEADER
The sandwich! You stole the sandwich meant for me. Get him!
Jay and Tom easily fight off the crowd. They keep walking on. As they are walking along, they notice that they're still being followed by that crowd They turn into a nearby basketball court to face them again. This time it appears to have twice as many in the crowd.
THE LEADER (CONT'D)
How about another round?
Jay and Tom easily defeat the thugs again. Tom grabs the Leader.
TOM
Not that we haven't had fun beating the tar out of you and your boys, but are we going to have to do this again a block from here?
THE LEADER
I want that sandwich. It is my destiny!!!
Jay and Tom shake their heads and leave. After a block they look around and don't see the crowd behind them and are relieved until they turn around to see the crowd in front of them, even larger than before.
JAY
For crying out loud!!!
THE LEADER
Now we've got you.
JAY
Wait, hold on why didn't you just ask that weirdo chef to make another sandwich.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. SUPERMARKET - DAY
Flashback sequence: The leader as a child, complete with eye patch, goes into the store with his father (who also has an eye patch) receives the THE WORLD'S GREATEST SANDWICH from THE CHEF.
Kid leader
Daddy, can I have a sandwich too?
Papa leader
Not today, son. But someday you'll be ready for one.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. tHE CITY - dAY
THE LEADER
... And that day was supposed to be today. You ruined it. You took my birthright and now you're going to pay! Get him!
Jay and Tom slap them around even worse than before. After the humiliating beating jay finally opens the sandwich, take a bite and spits it out in disgust. And tosses it down onto THE LEADER.
JAY
That sandwich is disgusting. Here.
Jay and Tom walk off into the sunset. The leader watches them leave. Takes a bite of THE WORLD'S GREATEST SANDWICH and spits it out in disgust.
THE LEADER
Blah... That was horrible. Anybody want to go get a pizza?
FADE TO BLACK.