I was gone from Chicago for five years. During that time, I was pummeled into cultural repression in Miami. I got back here about a month ago and I just keep getting more and more happy.
There is an element here in Chicago. I'm sure it was here before, but my eyes were not open to it. I am referring, of course, to the Hipster crowd.
Last Sunday I went to Wicker Park with some friends. I ate at a place called the Earwax Cafe or something. It was some serious culture shock for me; I was subject to immediate programming into the Hipster world. I will describe the uniform (applies to men and women):
1. Big black glasses, like something out of a '50s educational film.
2. Hair specifically designed so that you spend an hour making yourself look like you just rolled out of bed.
3. Striped sweater or hoodie
4. Tight pants.
5. Sneakers that can only be described as "ironic."
Immediately I felt comfortable in a way that I hadn't felt in years. You cannot FIND these people in Miami (Miami is not "hip" in any way). I was struck by how content and relaxed everyone appeared to be. There was pretention, to be sure. Don't get me wrong. Hipsters are pretentious...some of them VERY pretentious.
I don't care. I loved it. You could almost say I was jealous. These are people I WANT to be around.
I don't want to feel obligated to sell my car and get a job at a bookstore and go vegan or anything, but there is something attractive to me about people who put this much effort into trying to look and be "hip" and "ironic." It takes dedication. Some people can really pull it off, and some just absolutely look retarded (I saw one little college guy yesterday wearing mauve gloves and a mauve sweater in a desperate grab for supreme irony...the "yes I know it looks gay, but I'm not really; and because you are thinking to yourself that I look gay in this sweater and glove combo it means that you are small minded and probably a homophobe. Look at me in this sweater and soak in the irony").
I probably already listen to the right music. I'm excited about going to the Metro on New Year's Eve to see the Dandy Warhols, although they may be off the "cool" list by now. Maybe liking them now that they are no longer "relevant" makes it "ironic" enough to be cool again.
My age works in my favor here. I'm 37. This is an ancient age for the Hipster crowd. The fact that I haven't gotten married, had children, and bought a condo over by the lake by now indicates that I am either very "hip" or a big loser.
If I wait too much longer to be a Hipster I will fall into the "Sad Aging Hipster" category, and there will be nothing left for me in this life but to own a coffee shop that sells fair trade goods only. I will have to shave my head and buy more pointy shoes.
In any case, THANK YOU CHICAGO for having Hipsters. Thank you for giving me interesting people to look at and talk to. Thank you for boosting my desire to be wry. I'm going to go buy some girls' jeans now after I lose about 15 pounds. I say this unironically and I am happy to be in the Pretentious Hipster Zone.
There is an element here in Chicago. I'm sure it was here before, but my eyes were not open to it. I am referring, of course, to the Hipster crowd.
Last Sunday I went to Wicker Park with some friends. I ate at a place called the Earwax Cafe or something. It was some serious culture shock for me; I was subject to immediate programming into the Hipster world. I will describe the uniform (applies to men and women):
1. Big black glasses, like something out of a '50s educational film.
2. Hair specifically designed so that you spend an hour making yourself look like you just rolled out of bed.
3. Striped sweater or hoodie
4. Tight pants.
5. Sneakers that can only be described as "ironic."
Immediately I felt comfortable in a way that I hadn't felt in years. You cannot FIND these people in Miami (Miami is not "hip" in any way). I was struck by how content and relaxed everyone appeared to be. There was pretention, to be sure. Don't get me wrong. Hipsters are pretentious...some of them VERY pretentious.
I don't care. I loved it. You could almost say I was jealous. These are people I WANT to be around.
I don't want to feel obligated to sell my car and get a job at a bookstore and go vegan or anything, but there is something attractive to me about people who put this much effort into trying to look and be "hip" and "ironic." It takes dedication. Some people can really pull it off, and some just absolutely look retarded (I saw one little college guy yesterday wearing mauve gloves and a mauve sweater in a desperate grab for supreme irony...the "yes I know it looks gay, but I'm not really; and because you are thinking to yourself that I look gay in this sweater and glove combo it means that you are small minded and probably a homophobe. Look at me in this sweater and soak in the irony").
I probably already listen to the right music. I'm excited about going to the Metro on New Year's Eve to see the Dandy Warhols, although they may be off the "cool" list by now. Maybe liking them now that they are no longer "relevant" makes it "ironic" enough to be cool again.
My age works in my favor here. I'm 37. This is an ancient age for the Hipster crowd. The fact that I haven't gotten married, had children, and bought a condo over by the lake by now indicates that I am either very "hip" or a big loser.
If I wait too much longer to be a Hipster I will fall into the "Sad Aging Hipster" category, and there will be nothing left for me in this life but to own a coffee shop that sells fair trade goods only. I will have to shave my head and buy more pointy shoes.
In any case, THANK YOU CHICAGO for having Hipsters. Thank you for giving me interesting people to look at and talk to. Thank you for boosting my desire to be wry. I'm going to go buy some girls' jeans now after I lose about 15 pounds. I say this unironically and I am happy to be in the Pretentious Hipster Zone.