Kind of a second rate weekend so far.
Friday I had an early day at work so I actually got a little time to go home and sleep a little and practice a little guitar before doing open mic night. Then when I got up to play I immediately hit some wrong notes on the first song I started to do and the people who had been waiting for nothing of interest to be going on took their cue to leave and by the time i was done with my second song I was playing to an empty room. There were still a couple of people at the metal tables outside however. People on the metal tables outside consistently tell me I did a good job but I tend to feel that the empty room indicates otherwise.
It seems to me that if your self esteem or self-confidence is below a certain threshold it's hard to ever build it up again. You can practice and practice your guitar songs but even though you're 39 years old and you're sposta be all grown up and mature and you've done it dozens of times before your nerves still are overwhelmed and you screw up easy songs that you've played hundreds of times. The audience decides it's time to move on, and what there was of your self confidence feels about like bug that just lost a game of chicken with a windshield.
So yesterday I halfheartedly tried practicing a little guitar in the morning, didn't really get anywhere with that, then I went out looking for something to photograph. I visited a coupld of old graveyards that I had passed driving the red truck around. I didn't take any photographs. At an old cemetery in Templeton I found a stone that was five stones, shortest at the far left and tallest at the right, four children and their mother who had been wiped out by an illness in 1806 or 7 I think, leaving their husband/father disconsolate. So sometimes I feel like a dick for not being happier when It is evident that lots of people have had far more terrible experiences than I've ever had.
Normally on a sunday I would go wandering off somewhere. Last week I did boston. Nice time but I got a 40 dollar parking ticket. Today I'm not really going anywhere, as I have to attend a birthday party for my father.
About it for the moment I guess.
Friday I had an early day at work so I actually got a little time to go home and sleep a little and practice a little guitar before doing open mic night. Then when I got up to play I immediately hit some wrong notes on the first song I started to do and the people who had been waiting for nothing of interest to be going on took their cue to leave and by the time i was done with my second song I was playing to an empty room. There were still a couple of people at the metal tables outside however. People on the metal tables outside consistently tell me I did a good job but I tend to feel that the empty room indicates otherwise.
It seems to me that if your self esteem or self-confidence is below a certain threshold it's hard to ever build it up again. You can practice and practice your guitar songs but even though you're 39 years old and you're sposta be all grown up and mature and you've done it dozens of times before your nerves still are overwhelmed and you screw up easy songs that you've played hundreds of times. The audience decides it's time to move on, and what there was of your self confidence feels about like bug that just lost a game of chicken with a windshield.
So yesterday I halfheartedly tried practicing a little guitar in the morning, didn't really get anywhere with that, then I went out looking for something to photograph. I visited a coupld of old graveyards that I had passed driving the red truck around. I didn't take any photographs. At an old cemetery in Templeton I found a stone that was five stones, shortest at the far left and tallest at the right, four children and their mother who had been wiped out by an illness in 1806 or 7 I think, leaving their husband/father disconsolate. So sometimes I feel like a dick for not being happier when It is evident that lots of people have had far more terrible experiences than I've ever had.
Normally on a sunday I would go wandering off somewhere. Last week I did boston. Nice time but I got a 40 dollar parking ticket. Today I'm not really going anywhere, as I have to attend a birthday party for my father.
About it for the moment I guess.
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I really should take some pictures. I'm in the long established habit of not taking any at all. I have a digital camera that's a few years old that I received as a gift and never used. It's nothing special but it would be fine as a starter camera for me. I keep meaning to figure out how to use it, which I bet is pretty easy, but so far I haven't gotten to it. Maybe I will soon though.