dr_lizardo

Hello everyone.

I've been feeling pretty down lately and I'm having trouble shaking it. I'm on probation with swift for a year since I had two accidents less than a month apart. One more and I'm fired. Yesterday I phoned my mentor about another matter and he said there's gazillion companies and I shouldn't worry so much about how things are at swift.

I don't know if I should just leave swift now or wait until something pops up at coca cola. There are other jobs I could look around for as well.

Some of you might recall that episode of the original start trek where a weird transporter accident splits captain Kirk into a gentle and a savage side. I feel very much as though something like that happened to me and there's a savage side somewhere that I desperately need back in order to function. I am completely passive and negative and I hate it.

I know very well that a lot of what's wrong with my life is my own damn fault for not trying harder. It's not impossible to turn things around. Sometimes things are stressful and they suck and sometimes they don't. And you always have the oppotunity to choose to be positive, whem life presents a mix of positive and negative things that you can elect to dwell or not dwell on. I can imagine myself as someone not always posessed of dread and worry, but I have hard time being such a person.

Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we (may) all die. You can choose to be positive under any circumstance. Maybe that's one way of making decisions that comprises being a grownup.