Not too much to report I guess.
Nobody told me there was an orientation for NETTTS I was sposta go to on friday, so I may or may not be able to start classes tomorrow, if not then in two weeks.
I was hoping to have a nice compelling emotionally provocative picture to head off my journal tonight but looking through my recently taken pics I find little of impact. My pics tend to have dull colors and I guess other people will typically punch up their colors in photoshop or something like that before posting them. Thing about me is that while I appreciate color, and like what other people do with it, it's not my primary interest when I'm just me seeing things. I like shapes and textures and qualities of light and design and mood. Maybe I need to break out my 35mm slr's and start carrying one of them around like I used to back in college, shoot various speeds of tmax and get into the darkroom. I think the ease of digital photography combined with my profound tendency to be a totally lazy bastard has conspired to sidetrack me from doing the workd of taking some serious bw photos like I used to when I was almost a good photographer. Digital is so easy but it lacks the toothsome texture of images made of back sand.
I had to switch over to the Yankee Candle production facility to get second shift hours. The work is harder but there are a couple of cute girls wandering about where there were none over at the order fulfilment center. People there are very negative about work and complain a lot about a certain fellow Rizzo who is apparently a terrible martinet type of boss. Even not having met him i found myself having some trouble dealing with him, owing to the baggage I carry from my bad relationship with my father. The thing I'm doing to keep my head clear in this situation is just to look over my whole situation. I have very little cash but this trailer I live in is worth about 30 grand, and the worst possible scenario involving loss of job and transportation to job just means that I will have to sell this place to free up the money to go to CDL school and live while I'm there. So ultimately, however many headaches present themselves between now and then, I win in the end. It's like facing a thunderstorm on my bike. Put on the rain suit, twist the throttle and ride through it. Stoms come and go, negative coworkers and asshole bosses come and go. There will always be storms, thunder and lightning trying to scare you; even if you crash your bike in a hailstorm you just heal up, get another bike or car and keep right on going. Nothing is a signal for you to stop unless you decide that it is.
But still I am afraid of thunderstorms. In a sense I've cleared some space in my mind, where I can look at what I need to do and do it, career and jobwise, but in my free time my creative potential does not flourish, I still have a lot of mental energy tied up in worries about storms, be they things outside me or inside me. I guess I am more functional than I once was. I have learned to see openness, but I have not learned to let my whole mind flow out into openness. My heart is not as open as they sky, but I can turn my head to look up, and see that it's there.
Nobody told me there was an orientation for NETTTS I was sposta go to on friday, so I may or may not be able to start classes tomorrow, if not then in two weeks.
I was hoping to have a nice compelling emotionally provocative picture to head off my journal tonight but looking through my recently taken pics I find little of impact. My pics tend to have dull colors and I guess other people will typically punch up their colors in photoshop or something like that before posting them. Thing about me is that while I appreciate color, and like what other people do with it, it's not my primary interest when I'm just me seeing things. I like shapes and textures and qualities of light and design and mood. Maybe I need to break out my 35mm slr's and start carrying one of them around like I used to back in college, shoot various speeds of tmax and get into the darkroom. I think the ease of digital photography combined with my profound tendency to be a totally lazy bastard has conspired to sidetrack me from doing the workd of taking some serious bw photos like I used to when I was almost a good photographer. Digital is so easy but it lacks the toothsome texture of images made of back sand.
I had to switch over to the Yankee Candle production facility to get second shift hours. The work is harder but there are a couple of cute girls wandering about where there were none over at the order fulfilment center. People there are very negative about work and complain a lot about a certain fellow Rizzo who is apparently a terrible martinet type of boss. Even not having met him i found myself having some trouble dealing with him, owing to the baggage I carry from my bad relationship with my father. The thing I'm doing to keep my head clear in this situation is just to look over my whole situation. I have very little cash but this trailer I live in is worth about 30 grand, and the worst possible scenario involving loss of job and transportation to job just means that I will have to sell this place to free up the money to go to CDL school and live while I'm there. So ultimately, however many headaches present themselves between now and then, I win in the end. It's like facing a thunderstorm on my bike. Put on the rain suit, twist the throttle and ride through it. Stoms come and go, negative coworkers and asshole bosses come and go. There will always be storms, thunder and lightning trying to scare you; even if you crash your bike in a hailstorm you just heal up, get another bike or car and keep right on going. Nothing is a signal for you to stop unless you decide that it is.
But still I am afraid of thunderstorms. In a sense I've cleared some space in my mind, where I can look at what I need to do and do it, career and jobwise, but in my free time my creative potential does not flourish, I still have a lot of mental energy tied up in worries about storms, be they things outside me or inside me. I guess I am more functional than I once was. I have learned to see openness, but I have not learned to let my whole mind flow out into openness. My heart is not as open as they sky, but I can turn my head to look up, and see that it's there.