dr_lizardo

Not too much going on. OR some stuff. Work gives me plenty of time to think, body on autopilot. Last post I talked about how it is meaningless to compare yourself and your accomplishments to others. Thing about it is that there are two levels of being copeting for our attention. There is being in of itself, all kinds of beauty and knowledge flowing between edgeless beings, swirling about like colors in a kaleidoscope, and then there is this struggle for economic survival and for social acceptance that plunges us into a madness of construing, of defining ourselves and judging ourselves and others as to whether we're good enough to belong somewhere or do something well enough to make a living at it. One wants to be living only for the former perspective on things and one is poisoned by the latter. Just hafta keep in mind that both frames of mind exist and the best thing for you is to try to keep the first perspective on things as much as is humanly possible. One is running in a race, and one is not running in a race.

Nother thing I'm working on dealling with is my tendency to box myself in. To feel that one path excludes all others. Makes it very hard for me to decide to do particular things and I know that i have to loosen up and merely do things and not think my entire future rests on what I'm deciding to do now, but for me this is tough to do.

One good thing is that I passed the Jeopardy online test and I'm heading out to boston in may to audition. I shall try and make a splash as an aggressive and exciting player. One who will get noticed. so as to get placed in the contestant pool for one year. Then if you're selected you pay for your own plane ticket out there. With no guarantee you'll appear on the show. Whatever. Would be nice to be Jeopardy champion for at least one day and make a few bucks.